A post from 2008 – has it been eight years, already? This post really brings home the changes that I’ve seen in myself over the past years. I’ve gone from being prone to ruminating about everything, and needing to account for every single detail in my life and experience, to being much more relaxed about things — and able to see the big picture, instead of a million little details.
This post still rings true, in terms of the person I was, back then. It’s a clear picture (to me, at least) of the way I once operated in the several years after my last TBI. And to anyone who is dealing with the after-effects of concussion and finding their thought process making them crazy… you’re certainly not alone. Our brains will do that to us.
But even more importantly: It can change. It did for me, and it can for you.
I’m starting to get really bummed out about that job interview yesterday. It really set me back, in a way. Or did I set me back? One of the issues I have with the TBI is “intrusive thoughts” — the constant replaying of scenes from an event (or series of events) that I don’t feel like I have resolved properly. I keep thinking back to all those individual instances where I might have said, done, or thought something different than I did, and therefore salvaged the interview.
Or could I have, given the environment I was in? I think it was a lost cause, from the moment I showed up (late).
I have to be careful that I don’t fall into the trap of extremes — either blaming others for my shortcomings, or blaming myself for things beyond my control
On the one hand, I’m tempted to blame the firm…
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