So glad things are loosening up

The river can take some turns...
The river can take some turns… but it eventually gets where it’s going.

My “MRI flu” has now fully resolved and is no longer a problem. Thank heavens for that. Saturday was pretty miserable, overall. Saturdays are often a “wash” for me, because I’m usually so wiped out from the week, but this past Saturday was the worst in a long time.

That’s over, now, thank heavens, and I can get back to my regular life. And there is new hope on the horizon. I feel so much more energized.

First, I’ll be meeting one of my former managers for coffee next week, to discuss the possibility of returning to my old company. I was pretty unhappy there, for the four years I was there, but that was very much due to my immediate team. There was a lot of in-fighting and competition that was counter-productive. Everyone treated the others like a threat and a competitor, and unfortunately, I fell into that same pattern at times. Compared to how others behaved, though, my actions were mild. All my old bosses — the first, second, and third one —  kept me from learning about opportunities to travel and get visibility in the company, treating me like I was going to take their job (which I did not want, at al). And other folks in my group talked sh*t about me behind my back, undermined me in general. One of them, who I sat right beside, never told me any personal details of their life and were very guarded with me, even though they were open and friendly with everyone else.

I’m not a bad person. A little intimidating, perhaps, but not a bad person. But working with those high-school-like coworkers led me to believe that maybe I was.


Anyway, all of them are gone, baby, gone… leaving a huge gap in the group where my skills could come in handy, these days. A lot of the old guard who were massive pains in my ass and constantly blocked me, are also gone. So, it opens up the possibility of me going back. It’s been a couple of years since I left there, so we’ve all had a chance to grow up a little more, and that’s a good thing.

Another thing that’s happened, which is possibly even more valuable than this possibility, is that I’ve figured out what direction I want to go with my tech career. There are new things popping up all over the place, and it’s very hard to know what direction to take — what’s going to be worth the investment, what’s going to pay off in the long run.

So, I’ve been watching the business very closely. And after months of soul-searching about what will work for me, and what will not, I’ve found my niche — a new type of project management role that can transfer across many different situations and scenarios, and which will give me a really strong footing in the industry. The best part is, I’m already doing it — I’ve been doing it in a number of ways, over the years. And now there’s a name for it — and the skillset is very much in demand.

This gives me something to work with. It gives me a solid foundation to work from, and it’s something I’ve wanted to do formally for some time.

I just couldn’t see a clear path to doing it, because I was being very brittle and rigid in my thinking. I was focusing too much on the proverbial river downstream — the future that I wanted to get to — and I wasn’t focusing (at all) on the virtual streams that feed into that river to get me there. When I step back and look at the high view, I see that I’ve been doing this kind of project management for years. And I should put that on my resume. I should update my LinkedIn profile, for sure.

The other thing that’s loosened up for me, is my own personal projects. I have a number of different ideas “cooking on the back burner”, and one of my big challenges is picking and choosing which one to go with. After that downtime on Saturday, I’m actually much clearer-headed, and I have re-prioritized my work — refocused on two projects (one writing, one technical), which are very different from each other. They don’t compete in my “head space” and the energy I get from each one will push the other one ahead.

This takes the pressure off, which is what I need. It also gets some of these things off my plate — and you’ll be hearing about the writing project over the coming days, and it’s the start of something pretty cool, which I really think can help people. I’ll posting more about it in the coming days and weeks.

But that’s enough for now. This week is off to a good start — and Spring is officially just around the corner. I have a feeling it’s going to be a great new season.



Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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