Okay, I’m done. Stick a fork in me. I’m more than ready to return home and get back to my regular routine. I miss my spouse, I miss my house, I miss my own bed, I miss my walks in the woods and the mindful, thoughtful routine of my daily life. I don’t need the excitement, the adrenaline, the brou-ha-ha. I really don’t. And I certainly don’t need the constant joking by my boss about things that aren’t really funny.
I also really don’t need the hassle of this job.
This trip has really gotten me clear about how I just don’t look forward to staying with this company. Especially with the merger happening and all the changes coming with it. This trip – and meeting all the people here – has brought that home. And I’ve lost my appetite for finding out what happens after the dust settles. I don’t care what happens. They can just go on without me. I need a closer knit team, a different way of working. I need a team, period. Right now, I’m pretty much isolated, and I really want to do something about that.
It’s funny – I always considered myself a solitary person. Because of my processing speed issues, and my hearing issues, I have always had a tough time interacting with people and having conversations. But now that I “get” that I don’t hear and process info the same way as others, I can use my strategies and tools to get myself into the flow of the conversation and actually discuss things. I still don’t do well if there are multiple streams of discussion happening at the same time, but I can work around that.
And now that I can work with it, I realize that I really am very good with people. I just thought I wasn’t. And I was wrong about that.
So, I need to find a job where I can be part of a team – a close-knit team that supports each other and really pulls together. In my current position, it’s just me, an army of one, swimming against the stream. And it gets old. Pretty fast. I also need to be making better money, as the original deal I was offered never actually materialized. A number of key things about it fell through, including bonuses and stock programs. The only thing they really gave me, was an extra week of vacation. But that was no more than I had before, so that wasn’t a step up.
And I am fine with the idea of getting a new job, now. I was back and forth about it, and I started and stopped… but now I am more clear about what direction I want to go, and that’s very good. I guess one of the missing pieces was just not having a clear sense of what-comes-next. Now I don’t have that problem, and I can go.
Get on with my life.
I’m looking forward to that.
Anyway, I have one more day I have to get through – more customer interactions, then dinner and some big company event, and I can come back and pack my bags… and get ready to go. I fly early tomorrow, so I should probably back my bags this morning before the day kicks off, so I can just relax for the rest of the day. Figure out what I’m going to pack, what I’m going to take with me on the plane, what I can afford to not lug around with me. Get my receipts together, collect my odds and ends, and get the hell out of this place… homeward bound.
Yes, I love my routine. I cherish it. Crave it. And after so many years of chasing the elusive brass ring, it feels good to have set different priorities and different agendas for my life, which have nothing to do with climbing a corporate ladder and getting in with the right crowd. I have my own life, I have my own life-style. And that’s really all I want.
And with that, I’ll check out the job ads, see which recruiters have contacted me, and see where life takes me next.