Quiet week, crazy week

group of hands holding onto each other in a circle
Everybody has to work together, whether we like it or not

Oh. My. Lord. This week has been quite the experience.

I haven’t done much posting here, because everything has been so wild at work.

Things are crashing and burning, everyone is up in arms about something, people are trying to do end-runs around our process, and I’ve been going full-speed-ahead from 6 a.m. till 8 p.m. on most nights.

I’m tired. So tired. And dizzy. So, I have to watch out that I don’t fall and hurt myself again. I need to pace myself, take a break this weekend, and just take some time for myself.

Away from the deadlines. Away from the pressures. Away from it all.

I’ve actually been doing pretty well, overall. I’m able to “leave it at the office” when I go home. But that doesn’t change how much more stress there is during my work days… which translates into more exhaustion at home later. There’s only so much you can leave at the office, to be honest.

I also haven’t been able to exercise the way I’ve wanted, because I have to meet these three – no, four – different deadlines that came up in the past month. I have till the end of the month to finish things, and I’m finishing them (unlike many others). But it’s taking a toll. And I am really behind on my exercise.

So, today I’m carving out some time to Just Do It. Block off a full hour this afternoon, and step away from my work. I started the day with an hour (+) conference call with Australia at 6:30 a.m., so I’m ahead of the game, time-wise. And all in all, the work is not awful-terrible. It’s just a lot to keep straight, a lot to keep in mind, a lot to shuffle.

And I keep having dreams about being an hour late to catch an international flight. Either I lose track of time and only notice what time it is when I’m supposed to be boarding my plane — but I haven’t left my house, yet. Or I have forgotten my passport and show up at the ticket counter without it. Or I have messed up my transportation to the airport. Or I have missed a connection because I had to ride buses and trains between each flight. Or I just plain (plane) got lost.

What a horrible way to wake up and start the day.

Last night, I dreamed that I was moving into a big new apartment that I bought in a city that I dream about a lot. I dreamed that I was the sole owner, but when I got there, there were three other people living there who said that the former owner had let them live with them, so they should be allowed to stay. They had nowhere else to go. I was upset at first, then I realized that the apartment was actually huge, and there was room for everyone… and if they paid me some rent and agreed to help with the place, the apartment would actually be better to live in.

So, I told them they could stay for a year, before they had to re-negotiate their situation. In the meantime, they needed to help me get the place together, because it was a bit of a wreck and the former owner had let everything fall to pieces. They agreed to help, because they wanted to live in a nice place. So, we had all kinds of negotiations about who would stay in what room, what repairs needed to be made, what colors we should paint the walls, etc.  They realized it made sense to help out — especially because I told them, if they didn’t, they had to leave.

It was an exhausting dream, because there was so much discussion, so much negotiation, so much back-and-forth. But in the end, everyone was in agreement about what we were going to do, and they started to help. It was still nerve-wracking, though, because I had to “ride herd” on them to keep them on track and keep them from slacking off the way they had for years and years before.

But I was starting to get the kind of apartment I really wanted. And it was starting to look really good.

That’s kind of how my life has been, lately. At work, negotiating constantly with people who are used to slacking off and not being rigorous about their approaches. They’re accustomed to having things go their way, just because nobody has pushed them to do things differently, or demanded that they relinquish some of their entitlement. But I don’t have time for that nonsense. Things need to be done differently. They need to be done better. And my days are continuous experiences in negotiating and advocating for the kinds of changes that need to happen, for things to be better — the way others really want them to be, but were never pushed to do differently.

Which leaves me exhausted by the end of the week. But it’s keeping me busy, so that’s a good thing.

It’s all good. I just need to get my exercise. Every. Single. Day.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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