And now for the crash

Photo credit: Myshelle Congeries
Photo credit: Myshelle Congeries

I was doing pretty well today, till around noon. I had a good morning with good exercise and breakfast, catching up on some reading, having a morning walk in the woods, and then running errands.

I felt good. Strong. Happy. Like my life had purpose.

Around noon, while I was out and about, picking up home repair supplies, all of a sudden, I lost all my enthusiasm. It’s like a switch flipped off. And the rest of the early afternoon, while I was on the way to the grocery store to food shop for the next few days, all of a sudden, it all drained out of me.

All the enthusiasm. All the hope. All the motivation.

It was just… gone.

I finished my errands, noting that I’m able to function adequately without having an interest in what I’m doing. I can get a lot done, even if I don’t care at all about what I’m doing.

I put up the groceries, ran the trash to the dump, then cleaned the downstairs bathroom for good measure.

Then I took my shower and went to bed for a nap. I slept about an hour and a half, then woke up feeling even worse. Depressed. Down. Not at all my happy, resolute self of the morning. Nothing like that person.

I guess I just ran out of steam. And now I’m just regrouping, hoping to pull myself together for the last hours of the day. I’m volunteering in the morning, which I was looking forward to. But now I kind of dread it. And I just want it to be over.

It will be.

Then I’ll come back home, maybe crawl back into bed, and just lie there.

Or maybe I’ll feel better. I really don’t know.

I’ll find out.

Update (After 15 minutes of reflection): I am starving! I’ve been starving all day, and last night, too. I think this may be a migraine coming on. I’m never this ravenous, going through all the cupboards looking for food. I’ll need to take care of myself extra, this weekend. Just to be sure.

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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

10 thoughts on “And now for the crash”

  1. YES! I find I’m motivated on a late Wednesday or Friday when I’ve had a full day of being organised and getting to appointments and shopping. If I don’t keep the momentum going on a Friday and make the things I just spent money on, it’s not going to happen. Example;coleslaw…. it’s an effort, dishes pile up I can’t do and then the worm farm benefits. When you work it out, please et us know. Cheers,H

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Happens to me all the time since getting my tbi
    I’ve learned to be kind to mysejf
    Whatever I can get done that day I need to be ok with
    No sense beating self up when body shuts down
    Feel better
    Thank god we have each other

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hmmm…I have some of the same “days”. Think I’m going to get some good things done…and then for no reason just quit and sit in my chair, TV on, but not paying any attention. Then in the evening I get depressed and mad at myself for not getting done what I wanted.

    Right now I’m in a phase of getting lots done, some that I had not even planned, but had the right equipment at hand and just went ahead an got it done.

    Just don’t understand why this happens. Anti-convulsive medication? Anti-depressant medication? Sure wish I could figure it out!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank goodness for Clonazapam to get me through the anxiety and anger at myself. And thank heavens for my spouse that sees it coming, brings me a “pill” and insists I take it. Where would I be without her??? Lost, totally lost.

    Liked by 1 person

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