One of my favorite movies for good quotes is “Field of Dreams”. Baseball films, in general, seem to have a lot of good quotes I can use – like “There’s no crying in baseball”.
But that scene in “Field of Dreams”, where the young ballplayer Archie is stepping up to the plate and he keeps getting brushed back by the pitcher… when he asks the ump for a warning, and young Archie is the one who gets the caution… That’s one of my favorite scenes.
That’s pretty much how things are with me, right now. I’d love to get the world around me to settle down, I’d love to have my job chill out. It’s taking a toll. I’m more tired and taxed than I’ve been in a long time. Work has been extremely busy, and not in a good way. It’s been hectic and annoying, and all because a bunch of other people did not do their jobs. It’s kind of bizarre, actually, that things were allowed to go this way. And now it’s the job of me and my team to pitch in and sort it all out.
So, that means starting the day at 7 and ending around 6, sometimes later. People have been working weekends, which is not something I can do easily. By the end of the week, I am done. Completely done. But I might not have a choice this weekend, as things have been so crazy, and we have to get them sorted.
So, I need to watch out I don’t get myself killed.
I have to make sure I don’t get too tired, that I take more time to think about what I’m doing, while I’m doing it. I can get injured pretty easily — and for me it may be even more serious, because I already have a history of brain injuries and other types of injury that make it harder to recover.
I’m off balance, I feel like I’m walking around in a fog, I’m making stupid mistakes at work, and I feel like I’m floating somewhere about 18 inches above the ground, at any given point in time.
So, I get to bed at a decent hour. I’ve been asleep around 10:30 each night, for most of the past week. I don’t sleep in, but at least I’m usually getting around 7.5 hours a night, which is a far sight better than the 4-5 hours I used to get on a regular basis.
The good news is, this isn’t going to last forever. We’ll get things sorted out. And also things are changing at work. The merger is proceeding, and they’re doing inventories of skills in the general workforce. I just sent in my questionnaire yesterday — the questions were very high-level, which I find interesting. And I wonder how many people are going to tell the whole truth about what they know and what they can do.
Part of me just wants it all to be over. I haven’t felt like there was much point to this job, for nearly a year. Ever since we found out about the merger, I’ve been emotionally checked out — just going through the motions for the sake of the experience, not being really invested in my work, not feeling like there’s any purpose to it. I’ve been amassing experience for my resume, which I need to update this weekend. And I need to start looking around for a different deal. Something that’s more to my liking. Something less ENORMOUS, and yet highly profitable. A company that’s actually interested in making money, not just giving people the chance to do fun things, all day long.
Just having a place to go, every day, to get away from your annoying family members, isn’t the kind of job I want to have. It’s not even close. But that seems to be what most people are interested in. Just a way to pass the time, till they go home to deal with family stuff, eat supper, watch t.v., and sleep.
That’s not for me. And I’m moving towards something better.
In the meantime, I’m taking care of myself. Make sure I’m getting the basics — decent meals, good sleep, and a pace that doesn’t kill me… literally. This won’t last forever. I just need to get through it.