Or it could be very exciting

It’s all very exciting — inside my own head

So, I’m thinking about the impending changes… how I can make the most of them… or at the very least, not let them get the best of me.

I’d been thinking that with the timing of this next week, the convergence of different events (pay period, end of quarter goals, layoff announcement in the news) means I’m going to be let go. But I realize (after a good night’s rest) that I might be completely wrong about that. Maybe the timing means nothing, and something else is in the cards.

Here’s the thing – my boss sent us all a Powerpoint presentation on Friday morning, showing us the chosen direction of the group I’m with. We’ll discuss it this coming Thursday.

There are four different paths possible:

  1. keep things as they are (not gonna happen – everything sucks, as it is now)
  2. hand over control to one group (not the best route, from what I’ve seen of their work)
  3. hand over control to the other group (also not the best route  – they’ve screwed everything up, too)… or
  4. combine and move forward together.

According to the presentation, the decision they picked is #4 — to combine and move forward together. That could be a great opportunity for me, considering this is what I do — get involved in technology “transformation initiatives” and lead the way. That’s what I do. It’s what I do best. If the people running things know what they’re doing, they’ll keep me on, so I can help move that forward. If they don’t, then good riddance.

I sorely need a change, anyway.

I’m thinking that if we weren’t being kept around, there’d be no communication about what’s coming down the pike. That presentation is company confidential information, so why show it to people who may be out on the street in less than a week? Or it could be that we’re being shown the reasons why we’re being shown the door. Either way, it fits in my overall pattern of expectations.

Or there could be something completely new cooking behind the scenes — something I never guessed could happen. That’s entirely possible. Entirely.

I honestly don’t know what to expect — the distribution of the presentation could mean we’re all laid off and the company is moving on with out me/us. Or it could mean that we’re getting rolled into the organization differently — splitting up, or reporting to someone else. Who can say?

Anything could happen, really. I can’t just assume that it will be for the worse.

At this point, my main concern is with keeping solid and centered, and not letting the circumstances get the better of me. I have a household to support, a spouse and multiple other demands to provide for. I can’t afford to be lackadaisical about this. I’ve just got to be realistic about it and not succumb to depression. I’ve been depressed for the past few weeks, but I keep going. Even though nothing has much interest for me, I still keep going. And then the depression lifts, and I’ve still moved on down the line a ways.

There’s always progress.


So, I’m updating my LinkedIn profile and I’m collecting evidence of success from my past 16 months at my current position, to make the case for why I’m an asset to just about any organization.

The question is, will they be an asset for me? I need to make sure that whatever situation I get into makes sense for me, as well as for my employer. I’m not impaired like I was for all those years. I have built up my executive function skills. I have come a long way. I have matured. And I have a much stronger sense of myself, who I am, how I am, and what I’m truly capable of. I have a lot going for me, and I can’t lose sight of that.



Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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