I’m a little glad my mini-vacation is over. It was great to have the time off work, but it’s also great to be getting back into my weekly routine and seeing people I work with.
I worked from home yesterday, and that was great. I wasn’t ready to go back to the office, just yet. And I got some important things done in the quiet of my own home. I love the quiet of my own home. It’s very soothing for my jangled nerves. I can do a pretty decent job of jangling my nerves myself, so being in an environment that doesn’t make things worse… well, that’s a good thing.
I didn’t get as much exercise as I should have, though. I did a lot of reading, a lot of writing, a lot of thinking, a lot of sleeping. And I did do a lot more exercise bike-riding, than usual (because I didn’t have to be anywhere, first thing in the morning). But I didn’t get up and move as much as I normally do, when I go in to the office.
This morning, I did my bike riding, and then I did more weight lifting that I usually do. I did 20 reps, instead of 10. And that felt good. It feels good to push myself. I haven’t done that, physically, for several weeks, and I can definitely feel it. I need that.
I need it to keep myself strong, physically and mentally. I need to the discipline, the dedication, the unwavering determination to take good care of myself, so I can rise to the challenges that confront me each day. Winter is coming. And I may have to do more physical work then – shoveling and such. I have to be in decent shape, so I don’t knock myself out. I also need to not get stiff and sore and locked into a certain physical position from sitting for hours and reading/writing. I need to break up my activities and take time to keep strong and fit.
I also need the exercise to keep my head clear. It’s been the number one factor in my accelerated recovery, I believe. Not everyone is the same, but I noticed a huge jump in my capabilities, when I was exercising regularly. And when I slacked off for about a year, because the migraines were bothering me, I noticed a decline in my mental capabilities.
Especially now, when I feel like we’re under constant ideological assault by the different political parties and vested interests, I need to be able to reason and think clearly, to be able to tell truth from lies and defend myself from people who are preying on me because they think I am weak. I also need to defend myself from well-meaning people who think that sheltering me or protecting me from my “diminished” state is the thing I need — rather than pushing myself to improve.
I saw a friend of mine yesterday who knows about my TBIs. They also seem to think less of me, because of the injuries. They say things like, “Don’t push yourself too hard” or “Make sure you don’t over-extend yourself.” They talk to me like I’m a bit dense. Huh. I guess they don’t realize that having a slower processing speed doesn’t mean I’m stupid. It just means I process information differently. I guess they also don’t understand that extending myself and pushing myself is what actually helps me get ahead in my life. It’s what helps me grow. It’s what helps me exceed the expectations of anyone and everyone around me.
I need to push myself. I need to over-extend myself. And then recover. Take the time to regroup, heal up, and then get back into the midst of things. I hate when people do that. It’s demeaning to me, even though I’m sure they mean well, and are only trying to help.
But for the record, it doesn’t help me. It just holds me back.
So, it’s back to pushing myself a little bit. Each day is a stretch for me, to be perfectly honest. It’s difficult, and it gets progressively more difficult over the course of the week. Mondays are not easy. Tuesdays are harder… Wednesdays take a little more out of me… Thursdays are like walking into a fog… and on to Friday is just one long exercise in wading through fog and confusion.
But as long as I rest up on the weekends, I can get myself in decent shape.
Of course, this is all dependent on me keeping myself physically active. The past week has been kind of a “test run” for me, in how I would live, if I didn’t have to go into the office every day. Or even if I didn’t have to go to work. True, I’ve got like 20 years before I’ll be in retirement age (they keep moving it back), but I need to think about how I’ll live my life, once I’m not going into an office every weekday. Plus, I might get a remote job at some point, where I won’t be required to go anywhere. How will I live? How will I take care of myself?
Clearly, I have to do some more thinking and planning around that. So, now’s a good time to start.
Anyway, the workday is upon me, and it’s time to get moving.