Taking a closer look – again

picture of person with a light swich on the side of their head and a hand reaching down to turn on the switchSo, I’ve been on this TBI recovery quest for about 10 years, and I’ve had some amazing results. The last neuropsych I worked with marveled at my progress. In 40 years, they had not seen anything like my recovery.

Well, of course not. They’d never worked with me.

The thing is, in all those years, I rarely had a very clear view of exactly what I was doing with that individual each week. Or why. I had my own ideas, of course, but I wasn’t fully aware, I wasn’t fully “online”, and I didn’t have the full capacity to really wrap my head around what all was happening, and why it mattered.

I just showed up each week (sometimes twice a week) and did what seemed appropriate.

Now things are much more stable with me, I’ve got a much better understanding of myself and “how I work”. I also have a good hindsight into what worked for me, and what didn’t.

So, it’s time to start digging in again… see what’s there.

My current neuropsych (NP) has decided to not drop me because of insurance. They actually seem to understand that there’s value in it for me, and I think there’s value in it for them. I suspect that my old NP had a talk with them (they keep in touch), and talked them out of dropping me. Either that, or they just didn’t give it a whole lot of thought before they made that decision.

Either way, we’re going to be working together for the foreseeable future – at least till the end of the year, anyway. And a big part of what we’re going to do, is study my past NP evaluations, to more fully understand what it is/was that I’ve been dealing with. It’s all been a little hazy to me, over the years, despite being so intent on learning more about my situation and working through it. I suppose there’s always opportunity to learn and grow – and I often don’t fully grasp what’s going on with me until years after the fact.

Well, it’s years after the fact. And I’ve got a much better understanding of what the deal is with me, how things are put together, how it affects me, and what I can do with that knowledge to make my life even better.

One of the big areas of focus with me is on my strengths. What do I have going for me, that I can use to offset the difficulties? What are the unique talents I bring to the table, that I can put to good use for myself and others?

This isn’t just about figuring out what’s wrong with me, so I can sit around and feel badly about myself. It’s about finding my relative weaknesses and then matching them up with my strengths, to do something useful with myself.

And take things to the next level.

This isn’t going to be easy, by any stretch, but it’s important work.

And it’s time to do it.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

6 thoughts on “Taking a closer look – again”

  1. I’m so happy that you get to continue on with a new neuropsych to aid in your recovery. Your blog has meant a lot to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just read your last entry about losing your NP due to insurance issues. You are so strong and have been through so much. You are an inspiration for many people, including me. I am so sorry that this happened to you and can totally relate–I’m getting crap care from Worker’s Comp. Every so often, out of the blue, they just drop the coverage of my pain meds, which throws me into withdrawal if I don’t shell out hundreds of dollars which I don’t have and pay cash for the pain control. I haven’t had an MRI for 7 years so my Dr. has no idea what the state of my permanent injury is… and so on. But we continue to fight on, and live the best we can.
    Thanks for your writing and thanks for hanging in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for writing. Sheesh – that’s so rough on you. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through all that. I resisted going on any kind of meds, as long as I didn’t have to — and luckily for me, I don’t — exactly because of the situation you’re in. My old NP kept suggesting I use amantadine, because it would help with a handful of my issues. But I figured, if I could deal with things myself and come up with workable alternatives and compensations, I’d rather do that. I have been very, very fortunate that this is the case with me — a rare case, I know. In the end, I was vindicated when one of their other patients who had been taking amantadine was denied access by their doc (they said they didn’t need it)… and all the progress they’d made went out the window. I am a firm believer in the power of meds to make life much, much better for people who truly need them. But I think in some cases, they’re over-prescribed as “shortcuts”, when what we really need is for people to work with us to develop core skills that will support us. Again, it comes down to insurance at times — they need a quicker result, because insurance won’t pay for extended treatment. So, everybody’s stuck.

    Pain management is a tough one. I’ve got on-and-off chronic pain, myself, from all the years of “doing my own stunts”. I was on meds for a while, but they actually didn’t help me at all… just ate away the lining of my stomach (they gave me more meds to dull that pain). So, I’m kind of stuck, when it comes to working through the pain. Exercise helps a lot, as does getting enough sleep, stretching, keeping away from junk food, etc. I ate some artificially flavored chips yesterday, and now I’m more creaky and achey than usual. Oh, well — the chips were a welcome snack. It’s all a trade-off.

    Good luck with everything. I’m not going anywhere… still here, still working through everything. And I’ll probably be blogging here more, now that I’m “going it alone”. mTBI is “dealable” for me — so I’ll deal as best I can.


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