Yeah, I just get tired…

sleeping monkeyAs much as I want to quit my job (and after the past month, I really do), I’m going to stay put, most likely.

I just get tired.

Very, very tired.

And when I’m wiped out, nothing is good, my productivity slips, I don’t feel connected to anyone or anything or any of the work I do. I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate the world.

Or, I get too tired to feel strongly about anything. And I just drift into a sense of meh.

And sometimes that’s the worst thing of all. Feeling strongly negative about anything is at least feeling something.

Meh… that’s feeling… nothing.

I wish I could bottle this feeling and sell it. I know a lot of people who spend good money trying to get to this state of numbness, feeling nothing. I’d be rich.

The weird thing about it is that the weather has been fantastic, lately. I’m far from the storms in Texas, and the autumn is now picking up speed. The days are getting shorter. The shadows are lengthening. It’s cool at night — cool enough to turn on the heat. I’ve been looking forward to these days for weeks and months, now… and yet, I find myself so tired.

Well, it’s only partly because of the season change. It’s also because of work. I have been so busy, just pushing and pushing to get things done. I haven’t had much time to think things through carefully — just in reaction mode all the time.

And then when I do have time to settle in and think… I’m all out of fuel. Wiped out. Zombie-fied.

Well, I have a long weekend coming up. And I’ll probably just check out tomorrow afternoon before the day is up. I may cut my day short at noon and go back to bed. Wish I could do that today, but I have a dr. appointment this afternoon, so there’s no rest for the weary. And then I have to join another couple of conference calls after the appointment.

Good heavens, how I’d love to just quit.

But not just yet. I’m really just tired.

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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

8 thoughts on “Yeah, I just get tired…”

  1. Ahh, the brain fog. Never know for sure what will bring it on. I know in my case overdoing things either physically or mentally will do it but have days when it comes on all on its own. Thankfully my last employer had LTD insurance on all employees so haven’t had to try to go back to work for a living. Just fighting myself and the insurance companies is all I commit to for now! I recall that feeling you talk about and was one that spent much time and money altering my conscious state, and like you, wishing now I could find the means to get rid of that feeling. Never did decide what drug it resembled!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Omg you too?? Dude, something similar to what you describe is happening to me, too! Mainly work-related. I just don’t have the motivation I used to. I’m dragging ass just to get things done, and there’s way too much carry-over from one day’s list to the next lol. Aaagh! 😳 I hope you find your sweet spot soon ☮💙

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Meh should be my middle name. Maybe you should schedule a half day during the week to work from home? Something that mixes things up some? I get the eternal tired thing…….You just gotta scrape through to the long weekend and get back at it. Cheers,H

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yeah… brain fog. On the “bright” side, I’m definitely not alone – things at work are crazy for just about everyone in my group, and I get a pass when I mess up — because these days, everybody is messing up. It’s no consolation, work-wise, because I really hate coming up short. But it’s all I we can do… so there it is.

    Glad to hear you have LTD, though it’s no consolation to have to fight insurance companies over it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks – yeah, it’s pretty intense these days… sounds like it’s happening all around. Well, at least I don’t have any kids, so my life is a lot less frantic than it would be, if I were starting the school year, right now. That’s something to be grateful for. Things could *always* be worse.

    Like

  6. Thanks – yeah, I worked from home two days this week, already, and I’ll work from home again today. But I’ve been on non-stop calls for 8 hours straight, on the other two days, so that’s not relaxing at all. Today is different. I have free space and hours of uncommitted time this afternoon, so I can actually settle in and get some things done. Take a quick nap after my 1:00 call, then back at it…

    Liked by 1 person

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