As much as I want to quit my job (and after the past month, I really do), I’m going to stay put, most likely.
I just get tired.
Very, very tired.
And when I’m wiped out, nothing is good, my productivity slips, I don’t feel connected to anyone or anything or any of the work I do. I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate the world.
Or, I get too tired to feel strongly about anything. And I just drift into a sense of meh.
And sometimes that’s the worst thing of all. Feeling strongly negative about anything is at least feeling something.
Meh… that’s feeling… nothing.
I wish I could bottle this feeling and sell it. I know a lot of people who spend good money trying to get to this state of numbness, feeling nothing. I’d be rich.
The weird thing about it is that the weather has been fantastic, lately. I’m far from the storms in Texas, and the autumn is now picking up speed. The days are getting shorter. The shadows are lengthening. It’s cool at night — cool enough to turn on the heat. I’ve been looking forward to these days for weeks and months, now… and yet, I find myself so tired.
Well, it’s only partly because of the season change. It’s also because of work. I have been so busy, just pushing and pushing to get things done. I haven’t had much time to think things through carefully — just in reaction mode all the time.
And then when I do have time to settle in and think… I’m all out of fuel. Wiped out. Zombie-fied.
Well, I have a long weekend coming up. And I’ll probably just check out tomorrow afternoon before the day is up. I may cut my day short at noon and go back to bed. Wish I could do that today, but I have a dr. appointment this afternoon, so there’s no rest for the weary. And then I have to join another couple of conference calls after the appointment.
Good heavens, how I’d love to just quit.
But not just yet. I’m really just tired.