I had a very productive weekend. A lot of folks tell me to slow down and do less, and it’s important to keep balanced. The thing is, I actually am able to keep balanced while doing more. Because I know how to do things in a pretty efficient way.
Plus, I have a ton of experience that I can use — and I do.
Only I do it much, much better than ever before.
Once upon a time, I was constantly driven to go-go-go, to do-do-do. It was a heady, exciting way to live. But it wore me out. I got tired. And then I lost sight of what I was doing and why I was doing it.
Of course, I had no idea that my history of TBIs was driving me, or how it was affecting me when I got tired.
Now I know. And now I can manage my energy levels — lie down and take a nap when I need one… get up and get to work, if I have the energy… and really pay attention to the things that mean the most to me, all along the way.
I think I’m still as driven as I was before. Maybe I’m even more driven…
- To heal
- To help
- To make a difference in the world
- To be a positive influence, no matter where I am
- To make dreams come true, for myself and others
- To really, really help
Because more is possible than anyone seems to believe anymore.
Yeah, I know… the world is in a mess. Political turmoil. Drama. Threats of war — or outright war. Territorial disputes. Money, power, influence, control. Everybody’s churned up, worked up, and telling tales of doom and gloom.
And I used to get so bent out of shape about things like this. As though there were anything I could do about it. And it wore me out. It tired me out, it made me anxious and agitated, and that was no good.
I had no idea how fatigue affected me.
So, I couldn’t manage it.
Angry, tired, frustrated. I was always that way. If I wasn’t all three of them (which was often), I was at least one of them.
And that was no good. It just stopped me at every turn — the fatigue, the agitation, the distractions.
Meanwhile, I had no idea why nothing ever worked out for me, long-term.
I thought about this a lot, this past weekend, as I was systematically working through my list of errands. Things I had to do for others. Things I needed to do for myself. I thought about all the years I spent working towards my dreams, only to have them fizzle out. And then never understanding why that was.
Now I know why it was. I got tired. Fatigued. And then I got distracted and scattered and angry and defeated.
I’m not blinded to that, anymore.
Now I know.
Now I can manage.
I don’t have to settle for less, anymore. I can actually finish things I’ve started.
And this is a very good thing.
Onward.
Broken Brain - Brilliant Mind 