Getting my balance back — and getting to a stopping place

picture of road on wall with crackled paintWell, that was exciting… The summer (thank heavens) is over, and now I can get my life back.

I don’t do well in the summertime. It’s a shame, because everybody else seems to have such a great time with it, running around, doing so much, getting suntans and extra exercise.

I, on the other hand, am not a fan. There are too many hours of sunlight in the day. And the days are hot… wet… uncomfortable in general. I’m sensitive to light and smells and noise, and summertime is full of all of the above. Not much fun.

I also have trouble sleeping in the heat. Keeping the A/C on in my bedroom (and all through the house, for that matter) is a constant source of stress with the noise. When I’m tired, I’m more sensitive to sound, so a moderately noisy air conditioner sounds like a massive fan in an airplane hangar. And that doesn’t help me sleep.

If I can’t sleep, I become more irritable. Volatile. Raging. It’s a problem. I’m not proud of how I’ve gone off the rails a few times, this summer. Between the work stress and summer stress… it’s not good.

I’ve been keeping really busy with work at my day job (sad face) and my own projects (happy face). It’s taken my mind off many of my troubles, but it’s also tired me out. Again, the fatigue business. And that leads to me drinking too much coffee… which leads to more headaches, difficulty sleeping… the same old vicious self-perpetuating cycle.

But now summer is over. Thank Heavens. And I can settle in for the next three months of enjoyment. I love fall. I love winter. I love spring. And now I get to take a break from summer.

I’m also giving myself a break from some of the Massive Undertakings I launched over the summertime. I came up with some pretty awesome plans that I’m convinced could be Very Big Indeed. The thing is, I really don’t have the capacity to follow through on all of them. I really bit off more than I can chew, so to speak, and that’s been dragging me down. I need to pick and choose what I’ll work on… and let the other stuff go.

But it’s all for the best, because as I narrow down my activities (e.g., writing and creating great content that I can license to others, versus running an entire company based on my ideas), I am operating from an understanding how a larger company would — and could — use my content to build their business.

I’m learning about the larger context for my writing, and that’s good. It’s very good indeed.

So, yes, sometimes I need to stop, in order to go. And learning to recognize my limitations and accommodate them is the first step towards being able to make some real progress.

It’s all a process.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

12 thoughts on “Getting my balance back — and getting to a stopping place”

  1. I agree completely! I live in Sweden, where we never see any dark for months at a time during the summer. Very difficult for my poor injured brain! We are now heading into winter where in December our days are only 8 hours with little light. So much easier!
    Thanks for sharing, I find it encouraging to read of someone else going through the same experiences.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good for you, survived the Summer! That’s always a good thing for us TBI survivors!! I’m within a few days of the last time I really lost it to anger. I reached out for help. That got me three days of mental health hold in the hospital. But in retrospect, the best three days of my life since the accident! And that means its been five years!! While there was seen by the Staff Psychiatrist who disagreed with all my prescriptions. No, you can’t take Keppra for seizures. It doesn’t give your brain anytime to think before it just goes off! I have five areas of the brain active for seizures, so 900mg a day. No, you need a lot more than 10mg of Venylfaxine. So I’m taking 150mg. I don’t think life has been this much fun in all my 64 years. I’m open to starting a conversation with anyone. I belong to breakfast groups that get up and moving five days a week and seeing people I’m getting to know. So we all gotta hang in there, share what we’re learning, what works and what doesn’t!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. At our house we also struggle with the heat (me) and noise of air conditioners. (my husband). He ended up installing mini-splits in our house, so the noise (almost completely) stays outside, while the gentle fans (more like white noise) keeps out the sounds of the night that keep him up (think coyotes, crickets, cicadas, neighbors operating heavy machinery at night–sigh.) Yes, we too are rejoicing in the fall and look forward to winter. Best to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The only bad thing about Winter for me is the cold and wet, it really plays a number on my Rheumatoid Disease and on Robs Arthritis, On the other hand, Oregon Coast Storms! I love storms at the coast and hope that we can get a few good ones this year so I can go photograph them.
    Hope you have an amazing Fall and Winter!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sensory issues are a pain in the proverbial! I am very sensitive in my blind spot on the left. And heat! I concur. I wear white t-shirts on hot days, or try not to go out at all. (im in Melbourne Australia, where black is the norm) One foot in front of the other. And breathe. Have missed your posts. BTW! Cheers,H

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yep, I hear that loud and clear. I just got back from an extended trip where a lot of people wanted to interact, and there was a lot of noise and light. Have to say, although it was good to see people (some of whom I hadn’t seen in many months), it’s a relief to be back in seclusion again.


  7. Yeah, it does that for me, too. Cold and wet are not the friends of my bones – especially the ones I’ve broken in the past. Fortunately, I “just” broke toes. But it doesn’t make walking easier, when my toe-bones are complaining. The weather today is grey and rainy… misty and moody. A perfect fall day. A perfect day to stay in, keep warm, make a fire, and eat hot soup while reading something interesting.

    Then again, I may go out for a walk, since there won’t be a lot of people out walking on the roads, and I won’t have to interact a lot. My tinnitus is out of control, today, and that makes hearing and understanding pretty difficult… which other people interpret as being anti-social. It’s nothing of the kind. I literally can’t hear what people are saying to me, or IF they are saying something to me.

    Getting out on a day like today and stretching my legs would probably do me some good. We’ll see what happens.

    Thanks for writing.


  8. Mini-splits are a great idea. All the noise can be a problem. I struggle tremendously with noise. It’s gotten worse since my TBI in 2004. When I get tired, I am more sensitive to sound, which means I hear *everything* when I’m trying to fall asleep. I can’t sleep without earplugs, and they have become so customary for me, when I put them in, it’s like a switch gets flipped for me that chills me out, so I can relax.

    Thanks for writing and have a great fall and winter.


  9. That’s amazing. I’m really happy for you. Sometimes things have to bottom out, before we can rebound, and it sounds like that’s what you’re doing.

    I’ve been struggling with anger a good deal, over the past weeks (actually… months). I’ve been very difficult to live with, which is exact the opposite of what I want to be doing with my life. My spouse is back to walking on eggshells around me, but I do feel as though I’ve turned a corner, and I’m much more on the good foot. The very challenging couple of weeks behind me taught me a few things, and in a way, they boosted my self-confidence. So, there’s a silver lining there.

    That’s great that you’re up and about, seeing people, getting to know more folks. It’s so important for us to connect, as well as feel free to reach out to others spontaneously. I’m happy for you. Onward and upward!


  10. Thank you for writing. I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner.

    I have to say, 8 hours of little light sounds pretty great to me, right now. Today is a grey, moody day, and I’m really enjoying myself, after the too-bright summer. Maybe we need a TBI-BNB, where we can move around the world and find low-cost accommodations to follow the light and weather conditions that work best for us. Sweden in the winter. Southern Chile during the Swedish summer. It’s an idea…


Talk about this - No email is required

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: