Getting used to it — again

For some reason, there’s a part of me that thinks I’ll be able to soldier through this TBI stuff and come out on the other side, issue-free.

Like I won’t have any more sensitivity to noise or light when I’m tired.

Like I won’t feel like going off the deep end, when I get overwhelmed and fee cornered.

Like I will finally feel rested and be able to live each day with an abundance of energy.

Like I will feel like my old self again.

Broken record me – it’s not happening.

But check this out – that doesn’t so much matter.

I mean, it does matter that I generally feel like crap on any given day, that I feel like I’ve been dragged behind a bus, at any given moment, and I feel like I’m going to just drop from exhaustion and overwhelm at the least expected times. That’s no friggin’ fun, for sure.

But the main thing is — these things don’t have to ruin my life. Sure, its unpleasant. Sure, it’s troubling. Sure, it’s a hassle to deal with. But just because it affects me, doesn’t mean it has to affect others, make them miserable too, and ruin my chances of being able to do something worthwhile in the world.

I can live and do the things I need to do, regardless of how shitty I feel.

And if I can’t get these issues to go away, I can at least keep them from ruining everyone’s day.

Just manage them. Deal with it. Handle ’em.

And get on with it.

Onward.