Time for some summer fun

sunflowerWell, it’s been a miserable bunch of months. The past year, actually, has been pretty bad, and I’ve had enough. I’ve come close to quitting my job a bunch of times. Of course, the need to eat and have shelter and support my household has kept me from taking the leap — not to mention realizing just how non-negotiable it is for me, anymore, to be able to work from home.

If I can’t work remotely at least two days a week, there’s no point in even taking a job.

People have reached out to me. I’ve done interviews. I even got an offer.

But I couldn’t work from home, unless there was an emergency, and the commute was just too awful.

What is it with employers, that they don’t understand just how draining it is to work in an office all day long? It makes no sense. Some grown-ups (like me) actually thrive when working on our own. And we get a lot more done when we’re able to concentrate in our own space, than if we’re stuck in some cubicle where people are constantly interrupting, talking, walking by, making noise, and so forth.

I’m as guilty as the next person for doing it. People around me have to deal with my noise, when I’m at the office. But that’s the deal when you’re on-site.

But I digress. As much as I want to quit my job (and I do), I realize that I’m way too tired and stressed to make any kind of decent decisions about what kind of job I want next, where I want to work, what kind of salary I need, and so forth. I’m too worn out. I need a break. So, I’m taking the summer to rest, relax, rejuvenate. I’m overdue for time off. Like, a year and a half overdue.

I’m not in a position to just split for a vacation, but I can change my routine to make it more civilized. Ease up on myself. Quit pushing myself like I have been. Just take some time to take stock of my life, and think about how I’d like things to be. I’m getting too old to be getting constantly sucked into all the ridiculousness that happens, each day. I can’t control what others do, but I can avoid getting too emotionally invested in it.

It’s certainly not worth wrecking my health over the poor choices other people make, day after day after day.

Nah… I’m pretty much done with that.

So, this summer is really about me. Taking care of myself. Actually enjoying myself. And having a summer.

Going for long walks and drives. Roaming around and exploring parts of the world I haven’t seen, yet, even though they’re not far from where my daily routine takes me. Hanging out and enjoying the scenery. Looking around, as I drive to and from work, and really enjoying the scenery.

Taking a big old break from the social media echo chamber, and getting some fresh air.

Ahhhhhh….

I think this is going to be a good summer.

Advertisements

I have the next week OFF

beach with ocean and "relax" drawn in the sand
Soon…

I’m leaving for a week’s vacation today. I have a handful of errands to run before we can get on the road, and then we are heading out to a waterfront town that’s full of art galleries and novelties shops and all sorts of great restaurants. We have a few restaurants that we really like, but mostly we avoid the crowds and excitement, buy Mexican or Chinese takeout and head for the beach for our own waterfront dining. It’s the best way — sitting in the car right at the edge of the water, having a nice filling meal that doesn’t cost a million bucks.

It’s going to be nice to get away. It’ll give me time to think, time to relax. I realize that I’ve been stuck in limbo with my life for some time. There’s been all kinds of drama in my immediate and extended family for the past 15 years — actually, longer than that. More like 40 years. And it’s really dragged me down, watching everyone go through their problems — me included.

But now, here I am, at a place in my life where I just don’t feel like I have the time to fritter away on feeling terrible about things that I can just take care of. I’ve learned a whole lot about how to deal with my TBI issues, and I’ve made an amazing recovery. So why not enjoy it?

Why not, indeed? I feel like I’m at a point in my life where I’ve learned more than enough hard lessons, I’ve been through my make-or-break circumstances, and I’ve made it through. I’ve paid my dues. Now it’s time to just enjoy my membership.

It’s funny… I don’t tend to think of myself as that old. I’m really not. But I have been knockin’ around on this planet for over half a century, and I’m kind of over the whole newbie experience. I’m not a newbie. I’ve been around the block plenty of times. And it’s about time I just settled into living my life and enjoying it, instead of constantly pushing myself to “take it to the next level”.

Please. What next level? No matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I push, there will always be another level ahead of me. So, why not just settle in and get the most out of the levels I reach? I haven’t done nearly enough of that over the years. And while it does keep me sharp and invested in my life, it’s also depleting and drags me down.

Eh, whatever. I’m going on vacation. I’ll probably blog a bit while I’m there. Just relax into it, do some writing, have a good time, while I’m at it.

And now… it’s time for more errands, as I prep for my 7-day escape.

Onward.!

Got my nap today

And got a bit of work done. Not as much as I had planned, but at least I got my head around some things. And I can spend some time this weekend catching up on things that are ahead of me.

The nice thing is that now that I have the perspective that I can (and will) treat my present work as training for my next job — and I am clear about what parts of my current job appeal to me the most — it’s not such a hardship and a burden to work on these things.

They’re actually pleasant and enjoyable — a part of my everyday life, just like my work used to be, before I got hurt in 2004 and everything went to hell.

The thing about this week is, I’ve spent a lot of extra hours at work. I have been staying late and getting home late, but I’ve also been arriving early. So, I put in about 40 hours even before Friday rolled around. That lets me justify taking more time for myself today than I had planned to… and it also justifies me spending time napping instead of soldiering through a bunch of tasks I had on my docket today.

I figure, if I’m going to work over the weekend, it makes sense for me to rest up and pace myself.

All in all, it was a pretty good day, and I’m coming out of it feeling stronger and more together than I did at the start. I’ve got a handful of things I plan to handle, and I’ve got more work with one of my special projects that I’m focusing on. I’ve really got to settle in and laser my focus, because I have a lot to learn.

I’m a little nervous about not being able to focus, and not being able to learn. It all feels so overwhelming to me, and I can hardly believe that I used to code this way on a regular basis. I have been out of practice, so that makes things more difficult, of course, but even so, I feel like my brain has definitely changed and shifted… and not in ways that I particularly like.

So, I need to be easy with myself, have a bit of compassion, and cut myself a break. I need to make sure I’m drinking enough water and that I show good judgment with the foods I eat — not cram a lot of junk into my system, and make sure I get plenty of protein and steer clear of all the carbs. I’ve been eating a lot of nuts and homemade guacamole, lately, which has a lot of the good fats that my brain and body needs. I need to remember that I’m really testing my brain, and I need to rest it periodically, instead of pushing and pushing and pushing.

I need to not wear myself out.

I also need to remember that this is the fun stuff I’ve been missing… and that I’ve been looking forward to doing again. It’s been a long time, since I was last able to sit down for an extended period of time and really dig into an activity. Things at work are so chaotic and scattered… it’s not my thing.

This is better.

So, yeah. I do need to pace myself. Not drive myself like a crazy person, and have good balance between what I want to be doing, and what I have to be doing. Ideally, they will be one and the same. It doesn’t always happen that way, but it’s a goal.

It’s all good.

Onward.