To be truly free

That old Tom Petty song “Refugee” keeps running through my mind. And for good reason. Recently, a reader named Esai posted the following comment:

Just imagine if our blood was circulating at an even/constant pace through our body,
if your diet was correct and you had the ideal amount of vitamins and minerals your body would the do wonders, repairing damaged tissue, cancers, disease and even more important your BRAIN!. Im no scientist or a religious freak, there are no sinistral motives behind me saying this, i am confident in what i am saying because i know its true. any thing is possible when you put your mind to it.
if anyone should attempt any of what this forum suggests, do it for the right reasons, not just to slow your heart beat, do it to be free and do it to live! We live in a world where we are being controlled, Fun isnt it? They are continually controlling what we think and say, Why do we give them our freedom so easily?
we can control our own body! We control our thoughts! its so simple! Choose life not death, good not evil, positive and not negative.
i my self started controlling what i would think, i was then telling my body to heal itself, ya it didnt happen overnight but its happening, i would go into detail but too much to put in text, we all are the same inside and we all have the same freedom of life, take controll of it before its too late.

That’s powerful stuff, for sure. And it brings me back to myself. It reminds me of where my head has been, all along, over the years. Ever since I was a kid. Ever since I started getting concussions and could not fit in with others the way I had before.

One minute, I fit in, I had a good sense of who I was, and then it was broken into little pieces and taken from me. It was never easy, every single time. And even at a young age, it was very hard to take. Maybe even harder than when I was an adult, because my understanding of myself was still so fragile, and even the smallest change threw me into a crisis of confidence.

And it didn’t just happen once. It happened to me a number of times. I tend to think it should have gotten easier, each time it happened, but it didn’t. The initial shock was still there. The confusion, malaise, the pain of separation from myself and who I knew myself to be… it came back fresh, each time. After the fall down the stairs, after getting knocked out by that rock, after the football injuries, the soccer injuries, the rough-housing injuries, the fall out of the tree… then the car accidents, more falls, and that last fall in 2004. None of it was easy, and none of it made any sense.

Not until the past few years.

Now it does make sense. I understand the mechanisms behind it. I understand the logistics behind it. And I understand how I got from where I was… to where I am now — over and over again. I also understand how to get back from that place and find my footing, which is worth the world to me.

It gives me a real level of comfort, to know I’ve figured it out. So, if I ever get hurt again, I can have some level of confidence that I’ll understand the underlying pieces and be able to put at least some of them back together again.

So, onward.