Found something to help me sleep

Check this out – click here to find it on Amazon (no, I don’t get a cut from your purchase – I just want you to have this)

Okay, so I’ve been functioning on an average of 6 hours of sleep a night — my acupuncturist says that this should be enough for me. I’m getting older, and as you age, you tend to need less sleep.

My neuropsychologist, on the other hand, knows full well that it’s no good for me to get 5-1/2 hours of sleep one night, then 6-1/2 hours the next, and 6 hours the next, and then (if I’m lucky) 7 hours of sleep. They know what havoc it can wreak with me, and there’s none of that fanciful “6-7 hours is more than enough” stuff coming out of their mouth.

I know, myself, that 6-7 hours is nowhere near enough. I’ve been struggling along with about that much sleep, each night, for quite some time now. Months. If not years. I function better on at least 8 hours a night — but I’ve been struggling to get even 7 hours at a shot.

Last night I got about 8-1/2 hours. Woo. Hoo. I went to bed early at 9:30, and I woke up around 6. I woke up actually feeling like I’d gotten some sleep. Pretty amazing. And I’m ready for whatever the day brings, which is a handful of errands, followed by a get-together with friends (and some strangers) to celebrate someone’s pending nuptials.

So, what worked? What helped me get to sleep by 9:30? Well, a couple things:

  • I was actually tired last night – I could feel it in my bones. This is different from how things usually are with me, because I’m usually so tired that I cannot even feel how exhausted I am. I’m wired, pushing through on adrenaline, and nothing can stop me or even slow me down. It’s a terrible way to live, and going to bed is a real chore and a struggle when I’m that exhausted. But last night, I could feel how tired I was. I was yawning like crazy before, during, and after dinner, and I couldn’t even keep my attention on the television, so I turned it off, did the dishes, wrote a little bit, and went to bed. When I got in bed, it felt so amazing to be horizontal and just be able to sink into the mattress and let it all go. How did I manage to let myself feel tired? Here’s how:
  • I had a nap yesterday afternoon. I managed to step away from my work for 45 minutes, and go to my car, which I parked in a remote dark corner of the parking garage. I lay a jacket over my body and face, and after I few minutes of getting comfortable, I slept. I’ve had a hell of a time being able to relax at work. I’ve tried stepping away to sit and meditate, and that does help me at times. But nothing helps like just getting 20 minutes of sleep. That’s the only thing that actually keeps me going. The only problem is, I haven’t been able to come close to feeling sleepy at work. I know I’m wired. I know I’m beat. I know I need to catch some zzzz’s. But I haven’t been able to get myself there. Till yesterday. How did I manage to sleep? Here’s how:
  • I put on my “Stress Hardiness Optimization” (S-H-O) relaxation CD, and I just let it all go. I originally intended to just do the relaxation, but I often end up sleeping when I do that, so that tells me I really needed to sleep That’s what happened yesterday. I got a little turned around with the settings on my phone, and I had to fiddle with that a little bit before I got the tracks to play properly, but I did figure it out eventually, and that was good. I had a some trouble just relaxing at first — which is to be expected. But after a little while, I was able to just relax and let it go… and then I got some sleep. I only slept for 20 minutes or so, which is all I needed. And then I was up and ready to go back into the fray — which is what it is.

I’ve missed listening to those MP3s and I realize that they’re really an important part of my continued recovery and functionality. I have been listening to Belleruth Naparstek, now, for about 7 years. You should really check her out, if you get a chance. I believe she’s got MP3s up on iTunes, and you can get her CDs off amazon.com. I can’t recommend S-H-O enough – it’s literally a life-saver. She’s got a bunch of different recordings — for sleep, overcoming trauma, anger… you name it, she probably has a CD to help with it. Even dealing with dying (if that’s happening in your life, these days). And it helps. The science is sound, and my experience is even better evidence for me.

My experience is really all I need, to be truthful. It tells me, this works.

I found out about Belleruth from a friend who was dealing with PTSD, ’round about the time when I was figuring out my TBI issues, and I went to see her when she spoke, a few hours away from where I live. I was skeptical, at first, because it seemed like so much woo-woo flowery touchy-feely “wellness” stuff, that it turned me off.

But I tried to keep an open mind, and when I heard her talk, and I overheard others at the conference talking about her — and not only frilly psychotherapists, but tough guys who taught inner city public school — I was warming up to her work. And when I read her “Invisible Heroes” book and read about the physiological science behind PTSD and recovery and the role that guided meditations can play in recovery, I was well convinced.

And when I started using her CDs myself, I was converted 100%.

I have listened to her stress hardiness exercises intermittently over the years, and they really helped me, at the start of my recovery. But I got away from it because it started to get boring. And when they upgraded my phone at work, I lost the MP3s I had on my old phone, and I didn’t get around to putting them on my new phone. Yesterday, I had some time in the morning before I went to the office, so I put the MP3s back on my phone, and I’m really glad I did.

I think the thing that works for me — that makes the S-H-O work for me, is that I can turn off my head and listen to someone else do the talking for me. And there’s music that sets a slower pace… and the whole thing is engineered to calm down your system and strengthen you. It’s actually designed for military and first responder personnel, as well as people in intense work situations — the last of which applies to me. I am in an intense work situation, and I need the extra help. Removing stress from my life is not an option — it’s there, and it’s going to be there, and as long as I’m dealing with my TBI stuff (which is all the time), there is continuous stress in my life. So, I have to find a way to optimize my system for it, rather than running from it or trying to get rid of it.

So, I got my sleep last night — 8-1/2 hours worth. Woo. Hoo. This is seriously good news. And now I need to pace myself for my morning and give myself time later this morning after my errands, to listen to S-H-O again and do my relaxation. Maybe even get some sleep. Because the one thing that helps me sleep through the night, is getting a little nap during the day.

It just makes everything more workable. It totally saves my ass. And for power naps and stress hardiness optimization CDs, I am eternally grateful.

Onward…

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Getting to Sleep… a meditation of sorts

I have a lot of trouble getting to sleep, some nights. A lot of nights, in fact. I have trouble relaxing, and once I am in bed, I have a hard time turning off my head and relaxing my body. Here is a kind of “meditation” I use to relax myself, stimulate my rest-and-recuperate parasympathetic nervous system, and eventually get to sleep. It incorporates pieces from guided imagery I listen to, techniques I’ve learned over the years, and elements of neuroscience.

Try it… you might like it.

First, lie down flat on your back in bed. Make sure your head and neck and spine are all aligned and well-supported by the bed beneath you. Shift your body a little bit, so that you release some tension and are better able to let your body rest fully on the bed beneath you.

Now, feel your body from head to toe. Feel how tense it is in places… Imagine that you are encased in a hard shell of tension…

Now, taking a deep breath, imagine that you are sending a deep breath down into your feet, into the very tips of your toes… As you inhale, imagine your skin is like a balloon, and your breath is expanding it around your toes and feet, inflating the “balloon” of your body…

Imagine the pressure of your expanding shell cracking the hard “case” of tension that’s surrounding you. When you have inhaled fully (and comfortably), hold your breath for just a split second and feel the little crackles of broken-up stress float free in the breath “in” your feet.

Now, exhale slowly and comfortably. As you do, imagine the little crackles of stress being carried out of your body on your breath. Exhale fully and comfortably, and when you are done, rest for just a split second before inhaling again.

Feel how relaxed your feet are, from your toes through the arches of your feet, up to the tops of your feet. Feel how relaxed your muscles are… how warm and soft and comfortable they are…

As you inhale the next time, send your breath down into your ankles, and “inflate” the “balloon” of your body around your ankles. Feel the warm breath warming your feet and ankles, and feel the rigid tension of your body breaking up into little pieces…

As you exhale again, slowly and easily, imagine the little free-floating pieces of tension being carried out of your body by your breath…

Feel how relaxed and comfortable your ankles are… Feel how warm and soft they are… almost as though they are falling into a sound, peaceful sleep…

Now, take another long, slow, deep breath, easily sending the breath down your legs to your shins, where they “inflate” the tough shell of tension around your lower legs. Feel the breath expanding the space around your calves, your shins… crackling the tension into tiny little pieces, so it can be carried out of your body…

As you exhale, feel the breath carrying the tension far, far away from you, leaving only warmth and relaxation behind it…

Keep moving up your body, “breathing into” the different hard places that are surrounded by a shell of tension, and letting the out-breath carry away those little broken-up pieces. Work your way up your body, from feet to legs to torso to arms, to shoulders, to head. Take your time and breathe deeply and comfortably. After each out-breath, let the parts of you that you breathed into relax fully and fall into sleep. Don’t worry about going to sleep yourself, just let your body relax and let all the tension fall away… It’s all good.

I have been doing this meditation a lot, lately, and on a good night, I can get to sleep before I’ve gotten past my thighs. The progressive relaxation helps me let go of the tension, and the deep breathing helps to stimulate my vagus nerve and the parasympathetic nervous system in general. Focusing on my breathing and my body keeps my mind from being driven to distraction when I’m trying to sleep. And just lying still and letting my body sink into the bed makes it possible for me to just… let… go… which is oh, so hard for me to do under waking conditions. Also, I have read that 15 minutes of conscious relaxation — not sitting around doing nothing, but actual relaxation, is like taking a 30-minute nap.  So, even if I/you don’t fall asleep right away, at least the body is getting some benefit from the experience.

I hope you find this helpful as you try to get to sleep.