Q3 Goals done – Yes! Bring it on.

Got that covered

I just got notified that my boss approved my Q3 goals. Woot!

That’s done. Now I can just live my life and do what I please, come what may.

I’ve been spending some time really digging into the “corners” of my past year at this job. Next week is my 1-year anniversary, so now’s a good time to do a retrospective and see what all I’ve accomplished… and figure out if that’s what I want to do with myself in the future.

I need to brush up on my resume this weekend, just to have it in good working order, in case I’m let go next week. And yes, I’m very nonchalant about it, because it’s a distinct possibility, and I have NO idea what’s going to become of me.

BUT I am confident of my ability to find another position. I’ve come to realize, through dealing with many other people, that I have skills and abilities that are assets to any organization. After years and years and years of not thinking I’m a “people person” — because I would lose track of conversations, get confused, not feel like I was keeping up, and I was a total blithering idiot — I now realize that I can hold an intelligent conversation with other people, if I just pace myself differently and interact with them more, in the course of our conversation.

I’ve also become a LOT less self-conscious, thanks to working with a neuropsych on a weekly basis. Just having someone there who’s intelligent and experienced and isn’t going to judge me for being weird — because they know what my limitations are, and they understand the nature of them — is a huge help. I practice conversing in those sessions. There are other benefits, of course, but it’s mostly the conversation practice that I need and benefit from.

So, I feel like I’m really well-positioned for whatever happens next at work. I suspect, if anything, they’ll keep me around but slot me into a different role, because the thing I do now has changed a lot, since I started, and it’s sidelined me and not made the best use of my abilities. Whatever. I’m happy to live a life of simulated productivity, just like everyone else. For all their talk about how “slammed” they are, they spend an awful lot of time on Facebook and watching videos 😉

So, today is all about doing a retrospective on my last year, as well as working on the handful of things I’ve got going for a handful of people at work. It’s fine. It’s Friday. Everyone is working from home, pretty much. And so am I.

So am I.

When dead-ends work in my favor

Note the two tracks on either side that continue forward

My specific discontent with my neuropsychologist is providing impetus to expand and look in more directions for input and ways to progress. That’s working to my advantage, because it’s easier to move on to the next level, when what used to work… doesn’t anymore.

For work situations and professional interpersonal challenges, they can be very helpful.

But in everyday personal connections and relationship matters, not so much.

In the ways they are helpful to me, they have been indispensable.

And in the ways they are NOT helpful to me, they have also been indispensable. Their limitations are forcing me to branch out and seek additional input and help elsewhere.

Which is good. Because there is a whole new emerging world of “brain hacking” that is too “fringe” for them to consider seriously. They almost can’t consider it, because to do so would compromise their professional reputation and put them at risk for losing everything they have worked so hard to build up. They’re a sitting member of a very important organization, so they have to be conservative and avoid any appearances of quackery.

Anyway, I’m digging into new approaches with literally modifying my brain’s wiring and addressing issues that I’ve had for a long, long time. I’m looking at ways of getting metrics on what fundamental deficits I have — and yes, they are deficits, not just difficulties or differences.

They are deficits, and I’m tired of putting them in terms that make them easier to live with and accept. I am tired of accepting my limitations and just putting up with them. And I may have found a way to actually address them at a fundamental, organic, structural way.

More on the Feuerstein Method later.

For now, it’s time for me to be functional and cut this blog post short. I need to get to work, because I’m ending the day early for an appointment with another counselor I see for family / pain / health issues. This counselor poses a completely different set of challenges for me, and it’s actually good practice for me to critically assess what they tell me and figure out if I agree with them, or not. A lot of times, I don’t, and it really tweaks me. It puts me in a foul mood.

Today I want to do things differently. And so I shall.

Onward.