More shuffling

bookshelf-with-booksI needed to find space on my bookshelf for the two books I got yesterday. So, I moved some things around, rearranging the books I have into a more orderly fashion.

I have been collecting titles over the years. Not a huge number, just a handful of decent scientific / medical / physics works, each year. Some of them have been popular successes, others have been acclaimed in their own circles, which is really what matters most to me. And some are obscure, but have a lot of really great ideas behind them, which have really enriched my life.

The thing with me is that I’ll get really interested in a topic, pick up some books that go into that topic in-depth, and I’ll read them to see what’s there. But my associating mind tends to jump around from concept to concept, and it also connects the dots with other books I’ve read and concepts I’ve encountered, so I veer off course. I make some really useful connections that help me better understand my life and the world around me. But I rarely finish books I’ve started.

Part of it is because I’ve already made a conceptual leap into another realm.

And part of it is that I have seldom read a book that actually  had a strong closing. Most books I’ve read have been let-downs in the last few pages. It’s almost as though the authors just kind of gave up on the whole thing, because the writing and editing process took so damn’ long.

Anyway, I’ve shuffled the books on my bookcase to keep the neurology / neuropsychology volumes together, and put the mythology / archetypal works in their own space. I’ve got books about alternative teaching approaches, as well as quantum physics. And anatomy. Let’s not forget the anatomy. I even have a set of Netter’s anatomy flashcards that medical students use to prep for exams.

I should really get those out and “play” with them more.

I do love anatomy. It fascinates me, how everything is put together and works as a complex whole.

So, that’s the excitement for the day.

It’s the weekend. I need time “off the leash” to just do my thing, go at my own pace, and catch up with myself… instead of what the world demands of me.

Onward… and inward.

Advertisements

Holy smokes! This is so cool! 3D renderings of a brain – amazing detail

Check this out: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mouse-brain-color-images_55bf7abbe4b0b23e3ce33ef2?ir=Science§ion=science&ncid=newsltushpmg00000003&kvcommref=mostpopular

It is simply fascinating.

And fascinatingly complex.

Thank you, science, for making my evening complete.

Being brilliant everyday

I love YouTube. I found this the other day and really got a lot out of it. It’s also a good summary of some of the information that’s really turned my life around — neuroscience, breathing, fight-flight, relaxing, thinking, self-awareness, performance… all nicely summed up and good food for thought.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q06YIWCR2Js%5D [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_fFattg8N0%5D

Novel Brain Imaging Technique Explains Why Concussions Affect People Differently

BRONX, N.Y., June 8, 2012 /PRNewswire via COMTEX/ — Patients vary widely in their response to concussion, but scientists haven’t understood why. Now, using a new technique for analyzing data from brain imaging studies, researchers at Albert Einstein College of Medicine of Yeshiva University and Montefiore Medical Center have found that concussion victims have unique spatial patterns of brain abnormalities that change over time.

The new technique could eventually help in assessing concussion patients, predicting which head injuries are likely to have long-lasting neurological consequences, and evaluating the effectiveness of treatments, according to lead author Michael L. Lipton, M.D., Ph.D., associate director of the Gruss Magnetic Resonance Research Center at Einstein and medical director of magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) services at Montefiore. The findings are published today in the online edition of Brain Imaging and Behavior.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that more than one million Americans sustain a concussion (also known as mild traumatic brain injury, or mTBI) each year. Concussions in adults result mainly from motor vehicle accidents or falls. At least 300,000 adults and children are affected by sports-related concussions each year. While most people recover from concussions with no lasting ill effects, as many as 30 percent suffer permanent impairment – undergoing a personality change or being unable to plan an event. A 2003 federal study called concussions “a serious public health problem” that costs the U.S. an estimated $80 billion a year.

Previous imaging studies found differences between the brains of people who have suffered concussions and normal individuals. But those studies couldn’t assess whether concussion victims differ from one another. “In fact, most researchers have assumed that all people with concussions have abnormalities in the same brain regions,” said Dr. Lipton, who is also associate professor of radiology, of psychiatry and behavioral sciences, and in the Dominick P. Purpura Department of Neuroscience at Einstein. “But that doesn’t make sense, since it is more likely that different areas would be affected in each person because of differences in anatomy, vulnerability to injury and mechanism of injury.”

Read the full release here: http://www.marketwatch.com/story/novel-brain-imaging-technique-explains-why-concussions-affect-people-differently-2012-06-08

Brain Is a Co-Conspirator in a Vicious Stress Loop

Great article at the New York Times

If after a few months’ exposure to our David Lynch economy, in which housing markets spontaneously combust, coworkers mysteriously disappear and the stifled moans of dying 401(k) plans can be heard through the floorboards, you have the awful sensation that your body’s stress response has taken on a self-replicating and ultimately self-defeating life of its own, congratulations. You are very perceptive. It has.

As though it weren’t bad enough that chronic stress has been shown to raise blood pressure, stiffen arteries, suppress the immune system, heighten the risk of diabetes, depression and Alzheimer’s disease and make one a very undesirable dinner companion, now researchers have discovered that the sensation of being highly stressed can rewire the brain in ways that promote its sinister persistence.

Reporting earlier this summer in the journal Science, Nuno Sousa of the Life and Health Sciences Research Institute at the University of Minho in Portugal and his colleagues described experiments in which chronically stressed rats lost their elastic rat cunning and instead fell back on familiar routines and rote responses, like compulsively pressing a bar for food pellets they had no intention of eating.

Moreover, the rats’ behavioral perturbations were reflected by a pair of complementary changes in their underlying neural circuitry. On the one hand, regions of the brain associated with executive decision-making and goal-directed behaviors had shriveled, while, conversely, brain sectors linked to habit formation had bloomed.

In other words, the rodents were now cognitively predisposed to keep doing the same things over and over, to run laps in the same dead-ended rat race rather than seek a pipeline to greener sewers. “Behaviors become habitual faster in stressed animals than in the controls, and worse, the stressed animals can’t shift back to goal-directed behaviors when that would be the better approach,” Dr. Sousa said. “I call this a vicious circle.”

Keep reading…

My books have arrived from the library!

I’m really stoked. I finally managed to find a library copy of George Prigatano’s Neuropsychological Rehabilitation After Brain Injury and Prigatano & Schacter’s Awareness of Deficit After Brain Injury.

I’m sure it sounds odd for me to be so excited about getting them from the library, but these are books I’ve been wanting to read for some time. I first came across George Prigatano a little over a year ago, when I was researching brain injury and wondering why in heaven’s name I had never realized there was something “up” with me. I mean, I had a lot of problems when I was a kid and throughout my adulthood. Problems with memory, problems with mood issues, problems with keeping track of stuff, problems with temper, problems with freaking out over every little thing, problems with money management… I get tired just thinking about it all.

I should have realized a long time ago, that all those problems couldn’t possibly have been due to everyone/everything else. Something had to be “up” with me. But no… my broken brain was convinced it was everybody else, not me, that had the problem(s).

Anyway, now I’ve got the books on loan for three weeks — and the past-due fees are high, so I’d better get reading. I’m sure it’s considered a little “blasphemous” and presumptuous for me to be reading up on cognitive rehabilitation and advanced topics that are supposed to be beyond this layman’s brain, but I don’t really care what other people have to say about it. I have access to the information, and even if I don’t understand everything, at least I’m going to check it out.

My wrists are doing a little better. I’ve worked almost 30 hours in the last 2 days, much of that time spent typing, so I still have more resting I need to do. But that will come. Right now, I want to celebrate.

Celebrate life. Celebrate recovery. Celebrate cognitive rehabilitation. I saw my “neuroshrink” today, and we actually had a really good session. I was talking about different events of my past, and I actually got a laugh out of them. A good, hearty, spontaneous laugh, too. In the past, they’ve been kind of reserved and distant, like they were checking me out… not sure if they were going to keep working with me. But today was a good session.

They told me, in the course of our 50 minutes, that considering everything that’s happened to me, my life is a great triumph, not a tragedy. And yes, it’s true! My life is a tremendous triumph, and I’m feeling really grateful tonight that I’ve been able to do as well as I have.

How I’ve been able to do this well — bounce back from multiple mild tbi’s, including sports concussions and falls and assaults and car accidents, and build a life that’s full of activity and love and productivity and, well, happiness… I’m still trying to figure it out.

But if I had to chalk it up to anything, I’d say it’s just stick-to-it-ive-ness. Never giving up. Being tenacious. Stubborn. Hard-headed in the right ways. Trying and trying and trying some more. And never settling for less than I want — and deserve.

Just keeping going… in some ways, that’s the best rehabilitation of all. None of the other approaches actually work that well over the long term, if you don’t have this as the foundation.

But still, tenacity aside, it’ll be good to check out these books. It’ll be good to have some input that comes from outside my own head and immediate experience.

I’m also looking forward to reading more writing from George Prigatano. I have been a huge fan of his for quite some time, and what I’ve read from him I’ve really enjoyed. It might sound odd to talk that way about a neurologist, but everybody’s partial to something. Some folks are into Japanese art, some are into road bikes, some are into Turkish ceramics, some are into Dice-K, some are into the Cavs. I’m into neuroscience. Particularly cognitive rehabilitation after brain injury, and all the fascinating aspects of life that go with it.

And I do mean “fascinating”. The brain really is the final frontier, and despite the fact that everyone has one and we all love to talk about ourselves, precious few of us — scientists and doctors, included — seem inclined to talk about our brains and the way they impact our lives. It’s as though there’s this huge curtain drawn between our white/gray matter and the rest of us… a kind of holy-of-holies veil that keeps us from approaching the Ineffable Massiveness of what sits atop our shoulders and between our ears. I can’t account for the reticence, in general. It’s like everyone is running around talking about everything except their brains… like we’re trying to keep our minds off it.

Or maybe it’s just so close to home that it makes people waaaaay too nervous to approach, and anyway, we’re taught that unless we have degrees and qualifications, who are we to discuss such weighty matters? It puzzles me. We all have brains. We all love to obsess about ourselves and our human conditions. Yet we’ll invest countless hours in dissecting the life choices of Octomom, while remaining oblivious to the Real Drama that takes place inside our skulls, each moment of every day.

I can’t account for it. But it’s getting late, I need to rest, and there will be more time tomorrow to ponder these imponderables. And read the words of  George Prigatano.

Good TBI help shouldn’t be this hard to find

Update: Give Back Orlando is back! But the post below addresses a larger issue which remains problematic.

June 6, 2009 – Give Back Orlando’s Site is Gone

At least, when I go to http://www.givebackorlando.com/, I get the following message:

Directory Listing Denied

This Virtual Directory does not allow contents to be listed.

The message shows up on the other pages of theirs I’ve bookmarked. And I’m crestfallen. Because I really really wanted to have them as a regular resource. And now they’re gone.

Any of these could have happened:

  • they got so much traffic (from bots or from real people) that their server complained and went down and the person in charge hasn’t noticed yet and rebooted
  • they attracted attention from people who didn’t like what they had to say, who made them take it all down
  • they attracted attention from people who had ownership and copyright of some of the content there, who made them take the site down
  • they started getting all sorts of questions and comments and flood of info requests from outsiders that it got to be an overwhelming PITA
  • the folks who belong to the group didn’t want the rest of the world privy to their stuff, so they had someone hide it from outsiders
  • they aren’t in the assistance business beyond Orlando, and they got too much outsider input/feedback for the site to make any sense, or
  • some other thing we’ll never know about.

Whatever the reasons, it’s a pity that the site is gone. I’m still using the material, and I do find it helpful (so far). But it’s a shame that I can’t get to them anymore.

This disappearance is really emblematic/symptomatic of a lot of the head injury help resources I’ve seen around – they start out strong, then they get overwhelmed/-ing, and their work is just not sustainable. Either they get too big too quickly, or they don’t plan for expansion, or they just don’t have the bandwidth for the mounting tasks, or they are using tools that make the job harder than it has to be (like starting a whole website with rich media and interactivity and snazzy design, instead of a humble blog) … or, it turns out to be a very different effort, in the long run, than they envisioned it at the start.

I see this all the time with TBI blogs. No judgment on TBI bloggers, to be sure. Heck, it happened to me, when I first started this blog. If you look at my posting history, you see a flurry of activity for the first month or so, then silence for nearly a year, before the motivation started kicking in again.

It’s wild, doing the TBI blogging. You start out all fired up and wanting to make a difference in the world by sharing your amazing story, then you get hammered with all this info overload — from within and without. Not only do you get completely swamped by the many varieties of information out there and trying to parse it all out and make sense of it all, but you also get overwhelmed by all this internal self-realization that comes up, and you realize more and more how less and less capable you are in respects you once thought were ironclad, and you start to wonder if maybe you’ve revealed too much about yourself too soon and maybe that might prevent you from finding and keeping a job… and/or friends… and/or your hard-won position in society… and you have to drop back to find out where you really stand. You have to figure out who your audience really is, and why you want to talk to them in the first place.

After soul-searching and plumbing the depths of your experience, you end up either totally fed up and just wanting to quit … or… committed and motivated and eager to just move forward, even if it’s not perfect, even if you don’t have all the answers, even if it means that you’re going to have to make it a huge priority in your life and bump it to the top of your to-do list, each and every day, sometimes at the expense of other things that need to be done but will just have to wait.

A lot of people never get to that committed point. I suspect it’s because they get into it too soon. A lot of TBI survivors, from what I’ve heard, have a tendency to over-reach in the first months of their recoveries, and take on things that they don’t yet realize they cannot do. That happened to me, after my last TBI — I was taking on way too much, but at the same time, I was getting next to nothing done. I thought I was moving and shaking, but I was spinning my wheels in place, and it took losing several jobs and a lot of money to get me to pay attention to what was going on with me… and that was without the benefit of any formal rehab.

I would imagine that people who get formal rehab may consider themselves capable in different ways — having been shown tools and been given training, they may overestimate their autonomous capabilities… and end up either flaming out or getting into jams that are demoralizing and/or embarrassing and are in any case real disincentives to keep going.

It’s always unfortunate when this dropping out happens, but I think it goes with the territory of TBI. Especially MTBI, which is one of those pesky hidden disabilities that can depress the living hell out of you, if you dwell on it too much. If the focus of your online work is to educate people about the kinds of problems that accompany mild traumatic brain injury and you want to talk about solutions, it can be mighty difficult, because there are so many confusing problems to talk about…  and MTBI makes finding workable solutions to sticky problems difficult, because in order to figure out solutions, you have to know what the problem is, and your mildly TBI’ed brain isn’t always up to that task — and when it thinks it is, sometimes it’s not.

And then there’s the existential angst… If you’ve got an injured (okay, let’s be honest, damaged) brain, what right do you have to talk about anything? Especially with any level of expertise? Isn’t one of the requirements of expertise and authority, having a fully functional brain? Who are you to talk about it? Aren’t you a patient, after all? A victim? A survivor? Someone who is at a disadvantage, cognitively, who can’t even get through the day, sometimes, without making a mess of everything? Who are you to talk about TBI? Shouldn’t that be left to the experts?

But the experts are either few and far between, or they are otherwise occupied — especially with TBI, where the moderate and severe forms are a lot more interesting and dramatic than the “mild” kind, and they can get actual numbers and data on the impacts and effects. So, unless you talk about your (M)TBI, who’s going to? Who’s going to speak to the millions of people out there who suffer supposedly mild injuries to their brains, but find themselves increasingly incapacitated through the course of their lives and are so utterly, totally alone in a world that is far more interested in money-making injuries that render quantifiable data? Who’s going to speak to them? You?

So, there’s the quandary and conundrum. You want to help. And you want to share. But the more you try to share, the more keenly aware you are of your limitations and difficulties, and if you dwell on them too deeply (even if for the sake of helping others see that they’re not alone), you can end up in this TBI vortex of criticsm and self-doubt and self-assessment that goes nowhere, because in the process of examining yourself with a fine-tooth comb, you’re seriously wearing yourself out and making yourself even less cognitively viable.

So, the downward cycle continues. And some people never pull out of it. Just check online. Inactive TBI blogs abound. And now you know (part of the reason) why.

That being said, I’m collecting links to information from trusted sources which are funded and organized and whose purpose is to educate the outside world. I’m going to start with the Brain Injury Associations of different states. I’ll start at Alabama and end up at Wyoming, to make it easy on myself.

Because good help for TBI shouldn’t be this hard to find.

Resources for Brain and Spinal Cord Injury

I’m posting this here, so I can find it later

Resources for Brain and Spinal Cord Injury Research

It’s got all sorts of links and other goodies — just the ticket, for when I need to distract myself – which is not always such a good thing, I’ll admit 😉