The useful discipline of simple things

What holds you back can teach you a lot
What holds you back can teach you a lot

The last five weeks have been a whirlwind tour.

It’s taking a lot out of me, as you may be able to tell from the slow-down in postings on this blog.

I just don’t have the energy I had in the past – not yet, anyway. And I need to find a new cadence to work by. I’ve been very sensitive to perceptions about my performance – especially when I arrive and when I leave for the day. It’s a small thing, I know, but it makes an impression.

Fortunately, my new boss does not micro-manage how I use my time. So long as the results are good… that’s what matters.

I can’t let myself get too tied up in sticking to a timetable. Yes, I do need to show up at work “on time”. But that can range anywhere from 7:30 a.m. to 9:15 am.

In any case, today’s a light day, as most folks are disappearing from the office around 1:00. For me, that’s like Christmas, because it means everyone will be gone, and I will have some uninterrupted time to focus and really concentrate on my work. My boss encouraged me to work from home, but I actually prefer to work at the office. I have two computer monitors at work, and I have all the water and light I can ask for. There’s nobody asking me to do anything that they can actually do themselves. And I can be in my own world.

That’s good.

Moving into this new job, I have been forced to make some significant choices. I can no longer spend hours and hours on my other creative projects. I have to pick and choose. I just don’t have the time or the energy to follow up on everything I used to work on. Whatever I do, I have to make it count – like living a haiku life.

I have constraints — not as much time, not as much energy, not as much inspiration, but lots of constraints. It’s probably a little like living in Japan — all those very busy people doing very BIG things on relatively small islands with limited resources. It forces you to make choices. And the results are not necessarily worse.

It’s all about economy, now. Focus. Getting things done in a very brief amount of useable time.

This is useful discipline. It pushes me to do more with less, which is a very good thing. No more excess and largesse… no more taking things for granted. Do one thing at a time, and do that thing to the absolute best of my ability.

And rest.

Get plenty of rest.

And move.

Get plenty of movement.

I think in TBI recovery — or really any recovery where you have less after the incident, than before — this is a useful mindset to cultivate. Going easy. Keeping focus. Holding to a simple pattern, and getting as much out of that as humanly possible. It teaches you much.

And that’s good.

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Knowing when to say “No, I’m not doing that”

Does it all NEED to be done? Probably not

So, you’re way into your life. You’ve got all these ideas you want to explore… and all these activities you want to try out. Indoor activities, outdoor activities, social activities. All of them sound fun and cool, and just thinking about them gives you a charge.

The only thing is, your brain-injured noggin is losing sight of how tired you are. And it also doesn’t realize that when you get tired, you get even more distractable, and you end up coming up with even more cool stuff you want to do and try.

I do this constantly. I get excited about an idea, and I dive into it head-first.

Then I over-do it, and I get tired.

Then I get even more distractable and scattered, and I find all sorts of other things to explore and do and study, and I end up in that classic spin-cycle where I’m dashing from one idea to the next, one project to the next, one new passion to the next, and-and-and-and… well, you get the picture.

And before I know it, I’ve worn myself out, gotten irritable and angry over every little thing, I’ve become useless to my spouse, I’ve holed up in my study, and I’ve come to really despise myself, the world, and everyone around me.

All because I found something really great to get into, and I overdid it.

When you’re dealing with an injured brain — even a mild traumatic brain injury — you can end up spinning in circles over every little thing — including the things you love.

That’s where I’m at right now — spinning, because I haven’t figured out how to say “no” to new things I’ve discovered that appeal to me. I’ve got so much energy going on, right now, it’s crazy. But it’s also making me crazy, because it’s blinding me to the things I’ve already started that I need to finish, which is just adding to my sense of overwhelm and frustration.

So, this is my focus for the month of March — to quit taking on all sorts of new and different activities, and just keep on with the things I started months ago. I’ve got several books about TBI in the works — three of them at are mostly done, based on posts I wrote on this blog over the years that have gotten a lot of interest and need to be expanded. I’ve got some really good ideas that have been on the back burner, just because my distractable brain keeps saying “oooh – shiny!” and running in all sorts of different directions.

That’s enough of that, thank you very much.

It’s time to say “Nope, not today,” and get on with the work I started months, even years, ago.

Onward!