For the past year, I’ve been working regularly at figuring out how to effectively identify and manage my TBI-related issues, both from the past and the present. I was keeping a journal on a regular basis, which was helpful, but there was something missing. I needed another tool to help me keep track of what was going on with me — in an objective and fairly brief way.
In my search for information, I paid a visit to http://www.headinjury.com and found their Journal of Daily Experiences. It was just what I needed! I printed out a copy and started using it, tracking my daily experiences and realizing that there was actually more going on with me than I had believed. Only when I really asked myself honestly if there were certain things going on with me — like irritability and anxiety — was I able to identify and address issues that had dogged me for decades, but I’d never been able to either identify or cope with in a constructive fashion.
I used the form from the website, but I eventually found it was too long for me to make sense of, and it was hard for me to get my head around finding each issue that was giving me problems. I needed something more organized — and something that gave me more space to write in. I had a lot to write, and I was having trouble fitting my words into the space there.
So, I copied and pasted the table on the web page into a word processing document, reorganized it with categories, and I changed the wording a little bit. Since it was in electronic format, I had plenty of room to type in my information. I didn’t run out of room.
I also wanted a version that I could print out and write on. Writing by hand is an important part of my regular recovery (it forces your brain to work the hand-eye coordination parts, as I understand it), and while typing into the word document was easier, sometimes I really needed to write the stuff down. Sometimes I needed to record things without a computer.
So, I created a PDF version — with a nice picture of a head with a brain on it, so I could keep track of my headaches, which are pretty much constant.
I have used my form(s) to record information both about my childhood (to see what problems I had) as well as recording information about my daily life. Both approaches help me a great deal in understanding my situation and formulating approaches. And I have written records of what works (and doesn’t work) for me in my daily life. Tracking my childhood experiences really helped me deal with the emotional baggage of what was a very challenging upbringing, and it helped me put a lot of my “badness” in a context I could understand objectively, without constantly blaming myself for my temper, my outbursts, my perpetual flipping out and beating up on my little brother. There was more going on with me and my head, than anyone knew. And I’ve paid a huge price, my entire life, thinking that my very nature was “bad” or “sinful” or “flawed” or “lazy” or “evil” … when so much of my behavior and performance problems read like classic TBI after-effects… and can be directly traced to them.
I wasn’t a bad seed.
I was injured.
And I never go the help I needed.
That doesn’t change the harm I’ve done over the course of my 43 years, but it does allow me to identify some of the true cause(s) of my problematic behavior and either take steps to make amends, explain myself to the ones I’ve hurt, take steps to make sure I don’t do those childhood things in my adulthood, and/or better understand what was really my fault, and what was TBI-related.
I also currently use the form(s) for day-to-day self-assessment. It may sound simplistic, but just recording my experiences on a regular basis has made a huge difference in managing my symptoms and issues. If I don’t self-assess at least once a week, I actually start to feel like I’m losing my mind… I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel defective. I feel useless. I feel like a total friggin’ loser. I don’t always fill out every single piece of the form, but I at least hit the high points, and that helps.
When I look at my issues in light of the tbi’s I’ve sustained, and I see that these symptoms are originating from an injury — not a character defect — it takes a lot of the pressure off. Self-assessing and tracking my issues reminds me that it’s not me that’s compromised (tho’ I must admit I have plenty of flaws that have nothing to do with tbi 😉 — it’s my injured brain that’s the root of a lot of my issues. And since I know the source of the problems, I can get outside myself and take steps to address the issues I come across.
And that makes all the difference.
I’ve uploaded the two files below for your use. I hope they help you as much as they help me!