Try, try again


So, the course I have been taking, has had some surprises for me.

First, there are quizzes. I had been watching the lectures and I’ve found them pretty straightforward. And there were some reminders about things I needed to do. But when I took another look over the weekend, lo and behold, there are quizzes I need to do, and I missed the first two of them.

The first one I can’t retake, because it’s too long ago. The second one I took, and got a 100% on it (on my 2nd try), but I’m not sure I’ll get full credit because I was late. The third quiz I took, I got 40% — which is actually good, because it is forcing me to rethink my answers and more fully understand the materials and the reason for the answers being correct.

I’m kind of upset with myself for spacing out — not knowing how things go. But that’s how things often are with me, and it’s how I learn best. I mess things up, the first time through, then I go back and take a second look and make sense of it all.

And I do much better in the end.

Ultimately, I believe that the measure of your intelligence is NOT how you do on one-time tests, but rather how adaptable you are… how well you learn and incorporate new information and adjust to changing situations. That, for me, is what intelligence is all about. And the folks with the Feuerstein Method agree with me.

I’m really happy I found them. Not because they are telling me anything I didn’t already believe in my heart, but because they provide confirmation and additional context for this way of understanding what it means to be intelligent. It’s not how you do on one single test, that you take one single time. It’s how you learn from it and apply the knowledge you gain from the whole experience.

So, I’m going back into the course and taking a second look… giving more thought to things and realizing where I went wrong. That’s half the battle – figuring out what to screen out, and what to take in.

And it often takes me a second try, before things start to make sense. So, I’ll just do that, and learn – learn – learn.


Ah…. Friday

Join me as I rejoice

Before a long weekend, to boot.

It’s unfortunate that I am so elated that I won’t have to be at work for three days in a row.

At the same time, though, it just goes to show that I have better things to do with my time than deal with these [insert irritated nickname here].

It’s kind of bizarre. I’m on a contract with a company that is a wreck. As some of my fabulous friends say, they are a hot mess. The people who have been there the longest can’t seem to get anything done. They just don’t seem to want to work.

Yet the folks who can get things done — the rock stars and peak performers — are treated like crap because we expose the ineptitude of the long-timers.

Boo – effing – hoo.

It’s interesting that with each passing day, I see more clearly how well I really do work, compared to others. And how poorly others do, compared to me. I’m not getting all conceited, I just have never actually compared myself to others favorably — I always gave myself the short end of the stick, and I never thought much of my abilities.

That’s changed, in the past few years. I can see objectively now, that I do know how to be effective and efficient, while a lot of others don’t.

I had lunch with a former colleague the other day, who was recently the CEO of some hot-shot company. They left that position to go do some personal projects, and they’re fighting off executive recruiters who are trying to get them into a new CEO job at one of the region’s top companies worth something like $150 million or somesuch. They’re in demand, which is always usually nice.

The thing is…. though they are a friend and they are connected… they are not very smart. They don’t have the spark, the quickness, or the drive that you’d think a top performer would have. And yet…

Well, they did go to the right schools, and they are connected in the business community, so that works in their favor.

And they are a good friend to have, simply because of that.

It just always surprises me, when not-very-smart people who can’t do their jobs, are put in charge of big projects. Like… everywhere.

Kind of makes you wonder…

Oh, screw it. It’s Friday.

Time for a ride?

Well, the plan today was to spend the afternoon and evening with my spouse, just hanging out and spending time together with a couple of friends I haven’t seen in a while. My spouse has seen them a number of times, and they’ve been asking about me, and we thought that today would be the day to go out and spend some time. Have a nice dinner together. Conversation. Catching up.

That was the plan, anyway.

But I was so wiped out from this past week, I could barely stand up when we were talking about going, earlier this afternoon. I had dark circles under my eyes, I was pale and shaky, and after doing a quick social abilities assessment (keeping in mind the fact that I become pretty UN-fun around other people, when I am tired and stressed and overwhelmed by a lot of activity), we decided against the outing. My spouse went. I stayed home. And I went to bed. I got a few hours sleep, which was good.

Now I’ve had my dinner — a plate of stewed chicken with ingredients I love (but my spouse hates, so I can rarely have them) with a heap of green vegetables on the side. I watched a little t.v., and I read a little bit online. And now I’m feeling antsy. Like I need to just move. Get in the car. Go.

But doing a quick check-in, I realize that I’m still really tired. I should probably just go to bed and read for a bit. Take a break. Give myself a chance to catch up. Just because I’ve got a few hours of sleep doesn’t mean I should run out and wear myself out again. It’s dark outside. It’s night. And it takes extra energy for me to drive at night.

The thought of going for a drive under the stars is appealing in a way… maybe driving up to the hill that overlooks the valley to the west… but truth to tell, I’m pretty wiped. I’ve been working with my NP on my social interaction issues, and it’s really taking a lot out of me to think about all the problems I’ve had over the years, and try to see them in a different light.

Reconstructing your life can be exhausting.

Which is why it probably doesn’t make any sense at all for me to go for a ride right now. As much as the sound of cars rushing past my living room windows attracts me, and the night air feels good, I do have the sense to realize that I am still very, very tired, and it makes more sense to stay in. Get some rest. Just chill.

Time for a ride? Not tonight.

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