So, just keep at it

Yesterday was a very up-and-down day.  I had to get some medical tests done last week, and I didn’t get the results back till yesterday, so it was a tense weekend. The tests came back with some non-standard results — but nothing to be concerned about on the extreme end of the spectrum. It’s just one of those wait-and-see types of things.

So, I’ll be waiting and watching and making notes about things that happen that seem unusual or unexpected.

Yesterday went pretty well all day — my spouse and I have been having a lot of trouble with arguments escalating into shouting matches, and we’ve been working pretty hard, trying to restore some civility to our relationship. We’ve been having a lot of troubles, as tends to happen with families that are in financial straits, and who have additional health issues. The pressure is pretty intense, and we both often feel as though we’re just there for the other to hound and hassle.

So, we made the extra effort yesterday, and things were going pretty well. Until later in the evening, when we started to argue about health choices my spouse has been making, which are really impacting their life. They have several conditions they have to be careful of, and they just haven’t been careful. At all. Things escalated, and the evening went south pretty quickly.

Not nice.

And today I’m feeling pretty hungover from the emotional drama. It was so friggin’ pointless — unbelievable, what some people will do, to avoid looking at their habits and admitting they are making bad choices. Not just poor choices, but BAD choices that can have lasting consequences.

I’m pretty sick about the whole thing, and given how many times they’ve agreed to change and seemed really intent on changing… then went right back to what they were doing before… I don’t have much hope. On the “bright” side, I was able to take out life insurance for them through my work. No reasonable insurance company would insure them, but my work offers free, no-exam-required life coverage up to a certain amount. I hate to sound cold, but given the path they’ve been on, it’s about the only thing left that I have to cover me, in case all their chickens come home to roost.

I’m not one to look on the dark side, but at the very least, I can be prepared for the worst. The person I’m married to has absolutely NO interest in getting life insurance — they think it’s “depressing” and don’t want to dwell on potential misfortune. So, I’ve got to protect myself. ‘Cause they’re sure as hell not going to do it. Hell, they won’t even protect themself.

It’s maddening. When you love and care for someone who is neglectful of their health and then attacks you when you ask them to change their ways, what the hell can you do? Makes no sense, to be stuck in some kind of emotional vortex, avoiding dealing with reality just ’cause it’s unpleasant.

Then again, they’ve pretty much always been this way. It’s only in the past several years, as I’ve gotten my own act together and really focused on dealing with my own issues, that I’ve become less tolerant of this kind of foolishness. In fairness to them, I never had a problem with it before, so why should I now?

Because I really, really want to live a healthy life. And I would like it very much if they would join me in that commitment. But they may not. So there we have it.

Oh, screw it. I’ve got to get back to work. I’ve just gotta keep steady with my own life. If they choose to screw themself over and wreck themself, there’s only so much I can do. I just have to take care of myself. ‘Cause they’re not going to do it for me.

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