Time for some summer fun

sunflowerWell, it’s been a miserable bunch of months. The past year, actually, has been pretty bad, and I’ve had enough. I’ve come close to quitting my job a bunch of times. Of course, the need to eat and have shelter and support my household has kept me from taking the leap — not to mention realizing just how non-negotiable it is for me, anymore, to be able to work from home.

If I can’t work remotely at least two days a week, there’s no point in even taking a job.

People have reached out to me. I’ve done interviews. I even got an offer.

But I couldn’t work from home, unless there was an emergency, and the commute was just too awful.

What is it with employers, that they don’t understand just how draining it is to work in an office all day long? It makes no sense. Some grown-ups (like me) actually thrive when working on our own. And we get a lot more done when we’re able to concentrate in our own space, than if we’re stuck in some cubicle where people are constantly interrupting, talking, walking by, making noise, and so forth.

I’m as guilty as the next person for doing it. People around me have to deal with my noise, when I’m at the office. But that’s the deal when you’re on-site.

But I digress. As much as I want to quit my job (and I do), I realize that I’m way too tired and stressed to make any kind of decent decisions about what kind of job I want next, where I want to work, what kind of salary I need, and so forth. I’m too worn out. I need a break. So, I’m taking the summer to rest, relax, rejuvenate. I’m overdue for time off. Like, a year and a half overdue.

I’m not in a position to just split for a vacation, but I can change my routine to make it more civilized. Ease up on myself. Quit pushing myself like I have been. Just take some time to take stock of my life, and think about how I’d like things to be. I’m getting too old to be getting constantly sucked into all the ridiculousness that happens, each day. I can’t control what others do, but I can avoid getting too emotionally invested in it.

It’s certainly not worth wrecking my health over the poor choices other people make, day after day after day.

Nah… I’m pretty much done with that.

So, this summer is really about me. Taking care of myself. Actually enjoying myself. And having a summer.

Going for long walks and drives. Roaming around and exploring parts of the world I haven’t seen, yet, even though they’re not far from where my daily routine takes me. Hanging out and enjoying the scenery. Looking around, as I drive to and from work, and really enjoying the scenery.

Taking a big old break from the social media echo chamber, and getting some fresh air.


I think this is going to be a good summer.

No, we are definitely not alone

We’re all in the same boat, kind of

My job went well today. I have good days, and I have not-so-good days. But there is always another day to come. I was quite rested from the long weekend, and because I don’t have a short 4-day week, this week, I can work regular hours and not have to “bulk up” on my hours, so I can come close to breaking even.

I also canceled an evening appointment tonight, too, which turned out good, because we had heavy rain storms this evening, and I would have been caught in a nearby city in the pouring rain, if I had gone in. But I didn’t. I took my time getting home, and I saw some very impressive downpours and washouts.

Ah, summer.

Anyway, now I am on hold with the insurance company, because I messed up my coverage election, and I am currently without health coverage. This could be a real problem, but I’m not letting it get to me. I just need to jump through some hoops and deal with it. I can’t get all anxious about what *might* happen. I need to focus on what is and is not happening, and just stick with the details.

I noticed at work today that there are a lot of people in my same boat — we’re new, and we’re figuring things out. Some of my coworkers are ultra-helpful and bend over backwards… while others are more cliquish and don’t want to extend themself to the “newbies”.

At least there are a bunch of us who are in the same boat.

And I think about how many people there are in the same situation as me, hassling with paperwork they do not understand, trying to get help from people who aren’t very interested in helping them on the phone, hassling with devices and whatnot. I hate talking on the phone, because it is hard for me to hear and process things quickly, without seeing the person I’m talking to. It’s very stressful for me, but I have learned how to keep the person on the line until they have answered all my questions at least 2-3 times.

I make them repeat what they said, then I repeat it back to them, and ask them to confirm what I understand.

It’s awkward and difficult, but I get the answers I need that way.

You do what you have to do.

And if I let it get to me, it would make me NUTS at how convoluted and confused everything is. If you don’t have 100% clarity of thought, or if you’re distracted or you have some other cognitive issues, the system is pretty much stacked against you. That means a ton of people aren’t served very well by much of anything we have in place in this country.

I am definitely not alone.

But instead of getting all tweaked about it, I’m going to write up my notes from my call, gather my wits about me, and warm up my supper… and have a nice evening relaxing and reading.

It’s all good. It’s just a real pain in the a$$ sometimes.


Out of the nest and on with life

Time to get a move on

The baby robins are big enough to leave their nests now. I heard one chirping in a bush in my back yard, and I wanted to make sure it was okay (the neighbor’s cat likes to frequent my yard). Fortunately, after giving me a sour look for a few minutes, it took off flying — not the most graceful, but still flying and able to stay off the ground.

So, that’s good. Spring has given way to summer, and here we go…

I am getting ready for my second round of work, this afternoon, on one of my side projects. It’s a biggie, and there’s a big deadline coming later this week. I have folks waiting for me to finish up my pieces this weekend, so they can work on it during the week. It’s an education, working with other folks and their deadlines. I really prefer to work alone, but you can’t always get big things done when you work alone, so you’ve got to bring others into the action.

That’s what I’m doing now – bringing others in and also playing my part. It is surely an education. I’ve never done anything this big “on the side” before — it’s always been employment-related stuff that was the Big Stuff for me. Now this is a new chapter in my life. We’re hoping this idea takes off and we can get some funding for it. But who knows? I’m sure things will turn out very different from expected. In some ways better, in other ways more challenging. In any case, something will come of it. That’s for sure.

And I think of that baby robin — not looking very “together” — scraggly feathers, wary eyes, a cranking “chirp” coming from its beak every few minutes. Its flight was not graceful at all. But it got where it was going. And if it keeps going, it will continue to learn and grow and become an adult with full-fledged capabilities. In another year, it may even have its own young (tho’ I’m not sure how quickly robins mature).

Anyway, it is summer. It’s been hot. And rainy. There’s flooding in many places here and there, and the mosquitoes are particularly big and bad. So, I stay inside. And work. Step outside now and then, but mostly stay in — in the A/C. I know I should be exercising. I’m stretching a lot, these days, so that’s something.

One thing I noticed, over the past couple of months — as I have been totally focused on my work, my distractions from physical issues has dissipated somewhat. I still have rashes and dry patches of skin in unusual places. And the other night I had crazy, tear-jerking leg pain that I haven’t had in years. I’m tired a lot, and when I stop to think about it, I realize that I’ve got a lot of physical issues that are far from ideal.

But it’s not bothering me. I’m not even noticing a lot of it, to tell the truth. I’m too focused on my projects and my work. Now, in a way this might not be that great, because there could be issues going on with me that I need to address. I know for a fact I have been eating too much red meat and not enough vegetables. That probably explains the itchy patches of dry skin around my eys and neck — all the antibiotics and bad meat… I know I could eat better, for sure. And I’m making some effort to do so.

But something tells me I should be doing a little more.

One thing I AM doing, is cutting out wheat as much as humanly possible. I saw a video clip of a doctor who claims that wheat as we now know it is nothing like the wheat of years gone by, and it has a new protein in it that is not friendly to our systems. He says it contributes to diabetes, IBS, arthritis, and a host of other issues. Back a few years ago, I stopped eating bread completely — cut it out 100% and wouldn’t go near it. I felt better than I ever had — much clearer and calmer and clean-feeling. At the time, I thought it was because of the carbs, but now I wonder if it wasn’t because of just getting wheat out of my diet.

Could be. In any case, I’m making this change for myself, in hopes that this will help me. I know I need to exercise more regularly (I need to exercise, period). And I need to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables. I have stopped eating regular apples and I’ve started eating only organic, because of all the spray that goes on apples — and it soaks into the skin, which I always eat. I like the taste of the organic apples better, even if they are smaller. They actually taste like apples. So that’s a good change, which I need to remember I’ve made.

Because I so quickly forget.

But that’s fairly fixable. I just make myself a note, I think about my days and the progress I’ve been making. I keep records in my notebook, and I keep moving. Good things are happening. I’m out of the nest. It’s not always pretty, but I am keeping off the ground.

For today.



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