I’ve been having a pretty good month, so far. Actually, the goodness goes back to late November, when I planned and completed a very successful Thanksgiving. It wasn’t successful in the “worldly” sense — it was successful interpersonally and individually. I managed to make it through the holiday without a meltdown, without a breakdown, without total loss of all control, and with a presence with those I was with that I cannot remember ever having had at that time of year.
Now the next spate of holiday activity is coming up. Two families in several states await the pilgrimage of my spouse and myself. It’s going to be even more rigorous than Thanksgiving. Twice as much driving, four times as many families, probably about 20 times as much activity. And this, over the Christmas “break” when everyone will probably be on the road.
I’m being smart about it, planning ahead, pacing myself… Not taking on too, too much at work, but managing (sometimes just barely) to keep up with my workload. Just thinking about it all makes me flush with excitement/dread. But that’s the nature of the game we play at the company where I work, so if I don’t like it, it’s my own danged fault for staying in it… or it’s up to me to change it.
I’ve been having some pretty amazing revelations, too, with regard to my recovery. I’m reading again, which is a miracle in itself. I’m also able to sleep 8 hours at a stretch, now and then (last night was such a night). And I’m actually awake before 11 a.m., thanks to the daily wake-up exercise routine. I’ve also discovered that, even if I am planning on doing some exercise in the morning — like outside chores that promise to wipe me out — I still need to do my exercise routine to wake myself up, before I do anything else. No compromises, no shortcuts.
My neuropsych has been, well, psyched about my recent breakthroughs. The fact that I’ve been able to manage several extremely challenging travel/family situations in the past five months… the tremendous progress I’ve been making at work… the exercise and the better choices… the difference in my outlook and how I do things, each and every day… not to mention the revelations that I’ve had about what I’m truly capable of… it’s just floored them. Part of me wonders if they’re really amazed, or if they’re just trying to encourage me. But I trust them and their judgment, and I believe them when they say they’re just amazed at my progress.
It’s true. I have been making incredible progress. I have Give Back Orlando to thank for that, as well as my neuropsych and the materials I’ve been reading. One of the main ingredients that’s been critical in my rebound from teetering on the brink of financial ruin and homelessness (I’m not kidding), a few years back, has been the approach I’ve taken to my recovery. Ever since I realized I needed to recover — to rebound — from my fall in 2004… not to mention a lifetime of multiple periodic concussions… I’ve been focused not only on understanding the nature of my issues, but also devising solutions for the issues that are tripping me up.
Indeed, when I look back at my concussive life — starting when I was a young kid, on up through my late 30’s — I can see a pattern, an approach, that has served me well in rebounding from my falls and accidents and knock-out attacks. That pattern/approach was temporarily hidden from me, after my fall in 2004, so I literally forgot how to recover. But when I started getting back, I started to get back into this pattern, and it is helping me as much now — probably more, since I understand the underlying issues — as it did when I was trying to get through my childhood and adolescence and young adulthood after my different injuries.
I could post a laundry list of all my issues — and I probably will in a later post — but I haven’t got time for that right now. Suffice it to say, I’ve got a raft of them. Tens of them. And they cause my trouble on a daily basis. Now, looking at them all by themselves (which I tried doing, a few years back) just gets way too depressing. Seeing my issues for what they are — serious and threatening to my way of life and everything I hold dear — is necessary, true. But if I’m going to recover and rebound, I have to focus not on the problems they cause me, but the solutions I develop to deal with them.
If you’re interested in figuring out how to recover and rebound from your own issues — whether they’re TBI-related or some other sort of cognitive-behavioral bugaboo, like PTSD — I’m happy to share what I do — and have done for as long as I can remember — to get a handle on my issues and overcome them, day after day. (Note: Clearly, I’m human, and some days are better than others, but this is what works best for me — and I have a very successful and fulfilled life to show for it.)
Here’s the approach I take:
- I figure out what I want to do. I establish a goal or a desire I wish to fulfill— Like getting out of the house in time to make it to work by 9:30 a.m. I write down what I’m going to do.
- I plan my approach and try to prepare as best I can — I collect everything I’ll need for the day, the night before, set my clock early enough to get up, and talk myself through what I’m going to be doing to get out the door at a decent hour. I write down the steps I’m going to follow, in the order and time I plan to follow them.
- When the time comes to accomplish my goal, I make a point of focusing completely on it, and I do my utmost to achieve it. I also write down the things I did, and if I don’t make my own goal, I write that down, too, and make a brief note of why it didn’t happen. — As in, I get myself up, do my exercise, and prep for the day. I make a note of what I did all along the way — not lots of notes, but little notes so I’ll remember later. If I can’t manage to get out the door, I make a note of why that was (such as, I miscalculated the amount of time it would take me to eat breakfast, or I forgot that I needed to take out the trash and clean out the back of my car) so I can go back and think about it later.
- Over the course of the day, I continue to write down the things I am doing, if they are working or not, and I also look back at how my day started, to put it all in context. If my late morning arrival at work threw off the rest of my day, I can see how it all comes together, and I can also shift my schedule a little bit (like take some things off my plate) so I can catch up with myself again.
- At the end of the day, I take a look at how the day went, and I make a note (mental and written) about the things that stopped me from achieving what I wanted to do. I think about this as I plan my next day — if I’m not too tired, I can sometimes head future problems off at the pass. For example, if I was late getting out the door on that morning and it screwed up my day, I can look at what I’ve got going on the next morning, and make changes accordingly. Like double-check my list of things to do, and do them ahead of time. Or set my clock earlier, so I have more time to get things done.
I do this every day, just about. Yesterday, I was really late for work, and I didn’t get to do some things I was supposed to, because I had forgotten to do some essential chores the night before. I realized, over the course of the day, that I was very tired from a full and active weekend, and I did not rest enough over the past two days. I also realized that when I get tired, I tend to push myself even harder, so I needed to not drive into work today, but work from home. Working from home lets me move at my own pace AND it lets me get an afternoon nap in, which is very important — especially with the holidays coming up.
And all along, I consult my notes. I don’t try to make them all neat, but I do try to make them legible and leave room for other notes in the margins ans I go through my day. Making notes of why things didn’t work out is actually more for consideration throughout the course of the day. I don’t spend a huge amount of time with neatness and completeness. The point of writing it down is more for developing mindfulness around the things I did not manage to get done when I planned to. And giving me a point of reference, when I’m starting to get overwhelmed, as I tend to do.
All in all, the system works for me. It’s solutions-oriented, and the only reason I pay attention to my problems, is so that I can overcome them. I refuse to be held back by these issues, which can be dealt with systematically and logically and logistically. If I have certain problems with fatigue and overwhelm, I can take steps to head those problems off at the pass, or address them in the moment they come up.
This orientation towards goal-oriented solutions is the only way to go for me. It puts my issues in a context that is empowering, rather than defeatist. It also cuts them down to size, by breaking them into smaller and smaller pieces, which I can take, one at a time, to overcome them. When I look at the mammoth iceberg of issues I have — all together at one time — it quickly becomes overwhelming. But if I break them down into “bite-sized” pieces and tackle each one at a time, AND I attack them with the purpose of achieving the goals I set for myself each day, I can make some real progress.
And I have. And I continue to. Almost by accident — but with a lot of great help from a few key resources — I have come up with a blueprint for addressing my TBI issues, one at a time. And it works. The proof is in my life, which just keeps getting better.