I have been spending a lot of time contemplating TBI and anger, lately. Anger is one of my big challenges/sticking points in life, and it’s caused me more grief than I care to think about. Actually, let me rephrase that — more grief than is comfortable for me to think about.
Caring and having a comfort level are not necessarily the same thing in my book. In fact, I often care deeply about things that make me terribly uncomfortable. But enough of the aside…
Last night I did something quite smart – I didn’t eat or drink something that would wake me up, so I could keep going till midnight. I’m “flying solo” this weekend, while my spouse is away on a business trip, and there’s a part of me that would love to stay up late — reading, writing, surfing the web, watching videos, and generally frittering away my time at things that get me away from the direct stresses of everyday life. To be fair, some of those things help me re-engage later with better perspective (like reading and writing and surfing the web looking for research on topics that interest me). But some of those things are genuine time-wasters, and I do them for the sake of not doing anything else.
This weekend is a prime opportunity for me to do this. I’ve got the house to myself, I don’t have anyone I need to interact with, or whose schedule I need to take into consideration. There’s no advanced level of interpersonal relating that I need to do, and I can clunk around the house and make as much (or as little) noise as I please. I can turn off all the lights and the fans in the house and have it dark and quiet on a level that I can never get when I’m not alone here. And aside from household chores which need to get done, I can move at my own pace — which includes staying up as long as I like or sleeping as much as I like during the day.
Now, I’m not knocking married life. It’s a good thing, and it’s saved my life several times in a number of ways. Now and then, though (like, every several years or so), it’s nice to be on my own for a few days.
Which is what I have this weekend.
And the temptation to overdo it is tremendous. Overdo — as in, stay up too late, eat the wrong foods, not keep to a schedule or routine, and let myself just “veg” for a few days. Sit around watching YouTube or reading blogs…
— oh, wait — my alarm just went off… time to get ready for breakfast with a friend… more later —