Ah, another beautiful day. Make a point of getting out in it.

sunflowerThe weather is amazing today. It’s not too hot, not too cold, and the skies are clear. The sun is rising over the hill behind my house, and I’ve got my music on. I’ll write for a little bit, then I need to do some day-job work.

We have a huge deadline tomorrow, and we’re still scrambling a little bit to get things in order. In fact, we won’t be able to get anything 100% in order by the time the “flip the switch” tomorrow, which makes a whole lot of people nervous, including me.

It’s pretty bad.

But, the job is going fine, otherwise. I’m not the only person under pressure or experiencing profound doubts about how things are done, so I have company. And I have a paycheck. I’ve never felt this disconnected from a job, before. The things I can change, I can afford to care about. All the rest of it… well, people make their own beds, and they have to lie in them.

I’m actually looking forward to getting some work done today — I do like the part of my job I’m doing this morning. I just don’t get much chance to do it, what with all the meetings and status reporting and presentations that need to be prepped. It feels like I spend more time talking about what I’m doing, than actually doing it.

But that’s something I can change. I can do what I please in the times between when people are hounding me for updates.  Including doing the work I love to do. Honestly, it’s fun — when I get to do it. So, I can both enjoy myself and take care of business.

It’s not so bad, really. It’s just a lot of work.

Fortunately, I can work from home when I need to, so that’s great. That saves me. Being able to lie down and take a nap, when I’m exhausted and can’t go on… that’s huge. And that frees up my energy to really focus on what matters to me the most, to do some deeper thinking, and really get ahead of things, before they pile up on me.

Given how much is going on in my job, each and every day, that’s a challenge. But that just forces me to get creative and come up with real options that I can work with, instead of being stuck in somebody else’s idea of a good time. If I’m behind, and I know it, and there’s anything at all I can do about it, I have only myself to thank for falling behind.

And that’s where I’m at, right now. Sorta kinda digging out from a self-imposed prison of t0-do items. I haven’t sunk enough time into everything I do, in a systematic way, and it’s taken a toll. So, on days like today, I can do something about that. And I shall. And why not enjoy myself, while I’m at it?

It’s a beautiful day, and I’m going to make the most of it.

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The up-sides of the down-sides

construction worker with ratchet on a steel beamIt’s been a wild couple of days. I had to work overtime twice in two days, which meant I was up from 4 a.m. on Tuesday morning till 3 a.m. yesterday, and I was working intensely for most of that time. We had a big project we had to get done, and we were missing two people on the team, since they had previously scheduled vacation and the big project’s schedule got changed to the worst possible dates.

Oh, well. We just had to deal with it.

And deal with it, I did.

I got 90 minutes of sleep between the two marathon testing sessions, and that was it. Half the time, I felt like I was dead on my feet, and my brain was mush. I was doubled over in pain, part of the time, because of eating the wrong stuff to keep my energy up, which led to digestive problems.

I have to be honest – it was pretty rough. But I got through it. And I ended up lasting longer than just about everybody else, which is typical. One of the upsides of dealing with fatigue and confusion and pain all the time, is that when things get really rough, all across the board, I can  — and usually will — persevere. I can stick it out and still perform. Because I’ve had plenty of practice. I know how to do it, because I do it, every single day, pretty much.

I’m usually tired, usually brain-fogged, usually struggling a bit at something or another. That’s pretty much the cards in the hand I’ve been dealt, because even if I weren’t dealing with TBI issues, I’d still be pushing myself — always harder, always farther, always faster. That’s just how I am. I’m not all that competitive against others. I’m mainly competitive against myself, and I always want to see how much better I can be, how much I can improve.

That’s just how I’m built.

So, of course, I’m going to experience these kinds of stresses and strains, these challenges, these difficulties. And when I’m called upon to kick in and contribute, I’ll do that to the max. To the utmost. I’m not going to hold back. It can be a problem, of course, because I can push myself too hard and overextend myself, but I’m aware of that risk, so I do something about it.

Bottom line, all the difficulties I’ve been up against, over the course of my life have strengthened and sharpened and honed me to this point. And even if I’m not as sharp and strong and honed as I’d ideally like to be, I’m still able to persevere, to hang in there. To stick it out and really do my best, no matter what.

That’s a huge up-side, for me and everyone around me.

And it makes the down-sides manageable.

It’s all part of it.

Onward.

Unless we understand #TBI / #Concussion, we can’t really treat it

I’ve been more absent from this blog, this month, than I’d intended. Life… you know? It’s been very busy at work, and things are shifting with my role. I’ve had some additional training and workshops, and I’m still trying to figure out where I fit in.

Fortunately, I have help. There are a lot of folks at work who are eager to step in and pull people up to the level they need to be at. I’m not the only one who’s having some challenges navigating the new organizational structure, but fortunately, the expectation is that each and every one of us is going to have challenges and struggle somewhat.

So, that’s helpful, overall.

Getting support at work frees me up to get back to my mission: To write about long-term recovery from concussion / mild traumatic brain injury, and show that it is possible to restore your life after you’ve sustained a brain injury. There is a real dearth of information about this out in the world, and I’m (still) on a mission to do something about that.

I realize that all my … “gyrations” at work have distracted me from this mission. It’s been siphoning off all my energy and distracting me, which is the opposite of what I want and need. So, I’m settling down in my job, chilling out, and looking to my long-term future… 10… 15… 20… 30 years in the future.

And that frees me up to concentrate on the here-and-now with greater focus. It lets me get back to my mission.

The other day, while researching a post, I came across this article:

New Advice to Move More After a Concussion

When young athletes sustain concussions, they are typically told to rest until all symptoms disappear. That means no physical activity, reading, screen time or friends, and little light exposure, for multiple days and, in severe cases, weeks.

Restricting all forms of activity after a concussion is known as “cocooning.” But now new guidelines, written by an international panel of concussion experts and published this month in The British Journal of Sports Medicine, question that practice. Instead of cocooning, the new guidelines suggest that most young athletes should be encouraged to start being physically active within a day or two after the injury.

“The brain benefits from movement and exercise, including after a concussion,” says Dr. John Leddy, a professor of orthopedics at the Jacobs School of Medicine and Biomedical Sciences at the University at Buffalo, and one of the co-authors of the new guidelines.

And it makes sense to me. Because when you think about concussion / TBI in terms of what it is (an injury that disrupts connections and releases a bunch of “gunk” into the brain that shouldn’t be there), and you think about the brain in terms of what it does (processes information based on connections and makes new connections where none existed before), and you think about how the body works (moves all of that information through  – mentally and physically), then cocooning probably isn’t the thing to do for long periods of time.

TBI is a tricky thing. It’s different for everyone, of course, and something that works for one person might not work for another. But we’re all walking around in human bodies, and those human bodies function pretty much the same way.

So, if we use the principles of how the body and brain work, and we understand the nature of concussion, and we understand the dynamics of the whole scenario, new treatment approaches become clearer.

It surprises me a little bit that it took till May, 2017, to figure out how to better treat concussions. Then again, until the past 10-15 years or so, people didn’t really take “mild” traumatic brain injury that seriously. Everybody just laughed it off like it was no big deal.

Then we started to realize that onetime football players were ending up in a bad way — worse than the general public. And football players and their families started going public about their struggles. And people started talking — out loud — about stuff that used to be a source of terrible shame and embarrassment. The kinds of stuff that “you just didn’t talk about”, back in the day.

A lot has changed, thanks to research and increased awareness.

And we’re making progress in many areas.

But still, it surprises me, how much we don’t know… how much we still overlook… and how many people continue to struggle, months and years after a concussion or mTBI.

I have my own struggles, sure. A lot of the problems I had haven’t gone away completely. But after all these years of actively working on solutions, I’m doing a whole lot better at managing them, and that’s made all the difference. Maybe it’s true that brain injury can never be reversed, but then, life can never be reversed, and if we treat concussion issues as just another aspect of life that needs to be taken seriously and managed appropriately, it is very possible to have a “regular” life afterwards.

Sure, you’ll have to change some things. You’ll have to adjust. But life is full of those kinds of requirements. We don’t get a “pass” when we get injured, and the world jumps in to protect us. We just get a different set of challenges and difficulties and benefits to work with.

That being said, mental rigidity is probably one of the biggest hurdles to TBI recovery. The very black-and-white thinking that takes over when your brain gets injured can cause the injury to become even worse. Because you’re locked in a straitjacket of limited thinking. Getting your mindset out of the box and trying different things, living differently, getting on with your life, and being mindful about stuff… that can help hugely. I know it helped me more than I can say.

So, there are just a few more days left in Brain Injury Awareness Month. I’ve fallen far short of my stated plan to focus on brain injury recovery for the duration. I had such great plans… But of course… life. And my limits.

Turns out, what I’m taking away from Brain Injury Awareness Month is a reminder of how — yet again — I need to adjust my commitments and expectations and go a bit easier on myself. The thing to remember is that life goes on. And while I didn’t live up to my own expectations, the world keeps turning, the sun rises and sets, it snows and the snow melts, and the songbirds return to my bird feeder.

For today, that’s enough. It’s more than enough.

Move movement

shotput athleteAll this immmobility is seriously giving me problems. My day job is very sedentary, and I don’t move nearly enough. And it’s been taking a toll on me physically.

If I’m going to last for the long run, I absolutely have to get moving more often. Even if it’s just adjusting my posture or moving my shoulders, I must move on a regular basis.

I’ve been doing a bit better with that, lately. I do my morning exercise bike ride, then I do some new movements, similar to martial arts and Qi Gong, that wake me up. In the past, I’ve done a lot of weight lifting, in combination with my bike riding, but the repetitive motions actually worked against me, and I developed back and shoulder problems as a result. Now, I’m doing more natural, more complex movements, to stir the energy and get my body woken up.

The way I see it, the real danger of brain injury is to the body. We can become so stressed, so preoccupied with what’s wrong with us, that we stop living our lives, we stop actively taking chances, and we stop learning. We can also stop moving. It’s so easy, these days, to “veg out” in front of the television and not do anything, or lie in bed looking at social media on your phone. Plus, the cocooning that’s often recommended after a concussion encourages immobility.

As it turns out, cocooning might not be the best thing for folks after a concussion, after all. We need to move more. And if you think about it, it makes sense. Concussion releases a lot of chemicals into the brain that need to be moved out. How does the body move things — by moving itself. Increased blood flow. Increased circulation. Increased breathing. Over-exertion isn’t a great idea — in fact, it may expose you to additional injuries, because your coordination may be impacted, and you may also not be able to gauge risk, or react to the environment as quickly.

You need to be careful. But you also need to move.

But I digress. This is really about me and fixing decades of sedentary life. I’ve allowed myself to get comfortable in non-movement, and now it’s almost like my body seems to have forgotten how to really move freely. In fact, that’s what happens. You get muscle amnesia, and your brain stops understanding how to move your whole body.

I need to do something about that. I look around at my peers, and I’m not impressed by how non-active they are. It’s pretty bad. They can’t move freely. They might play sports, go skiing, or run, but they don’t have fluidity of movement. They’re too busy looking the part of a respectable adult — and it amazes me, just how restricted your movements have to be, when you’re doing an impression of a respectable adult. Especially for women. Don’t run, don’t spring into action, don’t move in unexpected ways… No wonder our bodies run out of juice. We don’t use them.

Well, I for one am not going to end up like that. Yeah, I’ve got some pain going on. I messed up my shoulder again over the weekend. But I’m working through it. I’ve got my movements, I’m getting into motion. I’m also using my stand-up desks at home and at work, to get me off my a**. I’m going up and down stairs at work, instead of taking the elevator. Even if I’m carrying a heavy load — especially then.

And that’s good. It’s helping. It’s working itself out.

Onward.

Back in my own space again

laptop with blank notebook and pen on a desk
Today I move at my own pace – blank slate

I’m back in my home office again.

It’s been months, since I was in here regularly. I had been working downstairs in the dining room, where I have better wireless connectivity and I can move around the downstairs without disturbing my spouse.

But nowadays, I really need to get back into my office. My study. My refuge. Everything in this room is here because I want it to be. I need it. I value it. That’s not to say I don’t want and value what’s downstairs. I do. It’s just not all mine, and it’s shared space with not only my spouse but anybody else who comes over to the house.

Granted, there are not that many people who come by, anymore. I can’t deal with having a lot of people in my home. Not anymore. We used to have company over a lot. But in the past several years, that’s faded away. I’m too tired, by the end of each week, to deal with people. And when I do have extra social activities on the weekend, it really takes a lot out of me. I hate that it does, and I do plenty to offset it — like working on my stamina and pacing myself better during the week — but it’s still an issue.

A tired brain is a cranky brain. And when my brain is cranky, it’s not much fun to be around.

Truly.

And too many other people have found out. I’ve gone ballistic on some folks whose only crime was being in my house when I was too tired to interact with them. They were friends, and they considered me a friend. But now they don’t talk to me. Oh, well. So it goes. At times, my life is easier without having a lot of regular friends in it, to tell the truth. Does that sound sad? It’s not. I need my peace and quiet. I need my rest. There’s only so much of other people I can take, even on my best days.

That being said, I’d been able to work downstairs in the dining room, because we rarely use the room for eating, except when we have company.  We use it to store things — boxes we haven’t decided what to do with, yet, as well as other packing materials. Papers and mail that isn’t time-sensitive and just needs a place to “sit” till I figure out what to do with them all. Books. Books. More books. Things we’ve moved from other rooms, to make space for our everyday lives. And there’s room for me to set up a workspace at the dining room, which is exactly what I’d done over the winter. The dining room is warmer than my study in the fall and winter, in any case, so that’s part of why I moved my “operations” there.

But not having my own space has gotten to me. I need to close a door behind me and settle into my own frame of mind — the mentality that sets in when I’m in my own space. I have my books around me, my music, my artwork, my papers. It’s all here. All my fascinations from over the years. And all my neurology info. Especially my neuro info.

So, now I’ve moved back into my study, and I’m looking out the window at the bird feeder and the falling snow. We got more snow last night, and now the wind is up, so it’s cascading off the trees, so it looks like we’re having a blizzard. We’re not. That’s just the overnight snow being tossed by the breeze. But it looks pretty intense at times.

It’s Sunday. That’s good. I have a whole day to pretty much do as I please, and that’s a welcome change. It’s not that I’m going to indulge myself… it’s that I have a lot that I want to do, and not having other responsibilities driven by others’ needs is making it possible for me to make some headway.

Write some blog posts. Read some papers. Get the word out about brain injury recovery being both possible and probable. I’m on a mission. And having my own workspace makes it easier for me to focus on that.

So, yes. Onward.

When you find something that works… work it

railroad tracks leading into the distance with "start" painted on a tieI’ve been having a lot of trouble with my shoulder and back, over the past months. Dealing with all the snow, along with spending a lot of time being sedentary — alternating between slothfulness and frantic activity — has done a number on me.

I’ve been trying to get my shoulder to loosen up, so the pain in my arm eases up. I’ve got a lot of shooting pain, tingling, weakness, etc. in my left arm, and sometimes it also goes over to my right side.

And that’s no good.

I need to keep myself in good working order. Life goes on, and I absolutely need to be up for it all. I can’t afford to get waylaid, especially when we’re talking about just regular life. I know I’ve got some disabilities, and I know I need to make accommodations for myself, but once I do that, I need to stay in the game. I can’t use my intermittent issues as an excuse. No way, no how.

After months of wangling with this pain, I finally found something that really seems to work. I’d been doing stretches and trying to release the tightness in my muscles with movements designed to lengthen them. But that seemed to be doing the exact opposite.

So, I tried something that’s worked for me in the past — doing muscle releases by doing slight tightening and then relaxation. Apparently, a muscle contraction will actually loosen the muscle, where a stretch will shorten it. So, I did some exercises I’d read about (and used with some pretty amazing success) a few years ago.

And lo and behold, I’m finally getting some relief. It’s pretty amazing, actually. The sense of relaxation that comes from it, is a welcome change, compared to what I’ve been dealing with for months, now. It’s not always perfect, and I still have to refine my technique, but I’m learning how to move so that my body isn’t at war with itself.

That’s huge. Immense.

So, now it’s time to get moving, and get on with my day.

Onward.

Hardy for the long haul

bridge leading to mountians in the distanceOne of the benefits of getting older, is that I’m finding out what assumptions I made about my life and future prospects were correct, and which ones were wrong.

One of the things I’ve realized is that it’s not solely IQ-type intelligence, it’s not raw physical strength, it’s not talent, it’s not social connections, and it’s certainly not money alone, that keep a person in the game for the long haul.

It’s a combination of all of the above, which add up to a sum total of hardiness. Just being able to stick it out, no matter what happens, and persevere. It helps to be smart, and you definitely have to learn from your lessons, as you go along.

Live and learn, or you don’t live long.

… as they say.

You need some measure of physical strength, and you need a talent for something. You also need social connections, and you need enough money to get by. It’s the combination of all of the above, plus a certain sense of purpose, an ability to find meaning in your life, that keeps a person going, growing, lasting over the long haul.

And that’s what I’m going for, these days. The whole package. Sum total. And then some.

For years, I thought the secret was to have one of the above in over-abundance, and it would make up for shortfalls in the other areas.

If I had extra intelligence, it could make up for lack of money and social connections. If I were socially connected, it would make up for lack of money and physical strength. If I had talents of some kind, it would cover for my IQ shortcomings post-TBI.

But chasing after “highs” in certain areas actually made things much more difficult for me. Because I was burning out, and my focusing on one area only (making money), I was coming up short with my strength and social connections.  Concentrating only on building my physical strength also cost me extra money and took time away from building other talents.

A balanced approach is better, by far.

And that’s where I’m headed — especially in light of my TBI issues. Recovery is an additive thing; different parts of life combine and augment each other, and if I’m not getting the full range of exercise in my life, the whole deal suffers.

And that’s no good.

TBI recovery is a whole-person activity, and it continues through your whole life. I don’t think there’s every one time or place where we’re necessarily “recovered”. We can so easily slip back into thinking that our brains are still wired they way they used to be. Muscle memory, and all that. So, we have to keep on top of things and continue to adapt through the years.

But that’s a good thing. And if you think about it, that’s pretty much how life goes, no matter what your status or station in life. It’s just got to be more deliberate with us TBI survivors. See, we can have really excellent lives, even if our brain have been permanently changed. Life goes on. The human system continues to evolve.

Onward… Yes. ONward.

Brain: Yeah, that’s enough. Body: Nope, we’re just getting started

human body with swirls of light
It’s ALL connected

Life has thrown me a bunch of curve-balls, lately, and I’m feeling it physically. It’s been a while since I’ve been this sore — lots of lifting and carrying and pushing and pulling, over the past few days. And despite the pain, my body is actually responding well to it.

I’m sleeping better. I’ve been getting about 8 hours a night, for the past few nights, where I was stuck at 6 hours for quite some time. I need 8, or I can’t function well, and things start to fall apart.

I’m also thinking more clearly, with less static and “clutter”.

I’ve been doing more stretching, which has really helped, too.

Spending less time in front of the computer has been great. Because let’s be honest, not that much changes, from day to day, despite the steady stream of sensational headlines and “news” stories that are all just different angles about the same-old-same-old.  I can literally check in every week or so, and the story will still be the same. So, I’m leaving it alone, and that’s making me happy and freeing up a lot of time.

Also, spending more time exercising is helping. I’ve been riding my bike for 20 minutes a day for years, but now I’m changing things up and focusing on burning calories. I’m keeping at it, till I burn 400-500 calories, and not stopping before then. That’s making a difference, I think. Ultimately, it’ll help my weight (I’ve regained weight I thought I could keep off). And it’s also good for my mental health, because I feel like I’m actually doing something. Plus, I can be more involved with my diet and its effects, overall. I need to do that. Eat more variety. Get better nutrients in me.

It’s funny, yesterday I was feeling really hungry, and I started to go after my usual crackers and cheese (protein helps). But then I stopped and decided to take some of my multivitamin “gummies”. And when I did that, it cut my hunger. I suspect that craving feeling is my body telling me it needs more nutrients, but when I go for the cookies or crackers, instead of actual vitamins, it just disguises the need and distracts my system with the sugar rush.

So, now that’s going to be my go-to. Instead of snacking, take some vitamin gummies. Not overdose on them, but just the usual recommended amount. I’ve got a number of different types that have been sitting in my cupboard, instead of me taking them. So, now I can take them. I just need a way to work them into my life, in order to get with the program.

Huh, it’s funny. My brain very quickly decides that it’s done with stuff — exercise and physical activity, especially.  But my body wants to keep going. Like with the bike riding. If I can just get my mind off its desire to go do something else, I can keep going with my workouts. And when I’m working hard, my distractable brain can come up with all kinds of other things it’d rather be thinking about. But I need to keep working. Keep my body going.

So, I just need to keep this in mind, when I’m trying to keep myself on track. Keep my mind out of the picture, and let my body continue on its pace. And watch what happens. To my health — physical and mental.

My brain wants to quit, but I should know better than to listen to it.

I should know that by now. And yeah, I do. I just need a reminder. Like now.

Onward…

Changing Our Minds About #BrainInjury #Recovery

change your mind about brain injury
Change your mind about brain injury

No doubt about it, brain injury changes you. In some cases, a lot.

Your personality can change dramatically… like mine did after my mTBI in 2004. I went from being a positive, pro-active individual with an indomitable spirit, to an anxious and easily upset “hothouse flower” who flew into a rage over every little thing. I went from being attentive to everything others needed from me, and going out of my way to ensure they were protected and well-cared-for, to being selfish, self-centered, and oblivious to what other people wanted and needed.

Granted, there were other mitigating factors that came into play, but the difference between pre-TBI and post-TBI was remarkable.

I can say that now with some measure of calm, because after 12 years of really working on my recovery, I’ve made huge strides and am better off — all across the board — than I can ever remember being.

But back in the day, my recovery wasn’t a foregone conclusion. It was questionable, in fact.

The thing that made the difference for me was not giving up. Having help, in the form of a neuropsych who would just talk me through my week, every week, and let me sort things out.  They would question me, when I was on the verge of going off the rails, helping me sort through the mass of details to find a common thread that I could hang onto. For just one more day.

Just one more day.

And over the years, one more day led to another and another and another, and those days became weeks and months and years… till I stopped to catch my breath and look around. And I realized I had come through on the other side.

Everybody’s trajectory is different, of course. And along the way, we need to adjust. I had to let go of some dreams I’d had for such a long time. I had to let go of progress I’d made before my accident. I had to settle into a different life path. And I had to make peace with my losses. But that all led me to the light in the distance. And in the end, will not having every single dream come true make me less happy, less productive, less capable?

Nope. That’s just how things go. I’ve accepted that, now. And it’s good.

The thing is, if I’d listened to the experts, early on, I probably wouldn’t have gotten here. I was told:

  • I was exaggerating my issues. I wasn’t. If anything, I was understating them.
  • Getting hit on the head wasn’t a big deal. NO, it was a big problem. It nearly cost me everything I’d worked so hard for.
  • My brain would just recover on its own. It didn’t. I had to work with it constantly to get it to a place I was happy with. It took years to do that.
  • TBI recovery doesn’t happen. Obviously untrue. It did happen.

These are just a few of the things I either read or was told. And I didn’t buy any of it. I knew I was in trouble, and I did everything in my power to fight for what I needed. What my brain needed. What my spouse and the life I’d built up all needed.

So, let’s rethink brain injury, shall we? Yes, it’s serious. Yes, it takes a toll. But the damage is not irreversible, and it can be followed by incredibly recovery.

How amazing would it be if everyone understood that.

Changing plans and shifting priorities

tree growing above a rainbowI love my routines. They’ve saved my s$$ over the past 12 years. They helped me retrain my body and brain to be a heck of a lot more functional than they were in 2006. And when it comes to TBI recover, routine and repetition are my friends.

Seriously, they’re like the secret weapon against the disruptions of TBI. Just figuring out how to do things exactly the same way, over and over, till that way become ingrained and you don’t have to think about it anymore… it’s magic. And it does so much to rebuild and solidify the new connections that replace the ones that got frayed and pulled to pieces in the brain injury itself.

Every now and then, it’s good to change things up, though.

That’s where I am, now. I’ve done a lot of hard thinking, over the past weeks and months, and I realize I need to have a different focus in my daily life. I need to spend a lot less time focusing on my career and professional prospects, and spend a lot more time focusing on my health and quality of life.

I’m not gonna lie — I really had to double down on my work situations, over the past years. I was in a downward spiral of sorts, in one overly challenging job after another, working in very hostile conditions that eroded my physical and mental health. And the past 3-1/2 years have also been a real challenge, in some ways. The thing that’s made it the most challenging is that I got caught up in ideas about advancing, getting promoted, moving up in the world. And that sucked me into a vortex of caring about what other people thought of me, what other people said about me, what other people did to me at work.

And that wasn’t a good use of time. Because here I am, years later, no further along on my professional path (even set back, compared to where I was before), and just looking back at a whole lot of frustration and dead-ends.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m highly ambitious. I’m driven. That’s for sure. But at some point, being ambitious according to someone else’s rules is just a bad idea for me. I need to be ambitious according to my own rules. I need to drive towards things that matter to me — having decent relationships with people, doing my best work, learning and growing as I go — rather than getting caught up in other people’s power games.

Somehow, those games never work out in my favor. I just get played.

So, I’m pretty much over that. Time to focus on other priorities. Time to funnel my energy into things that are going to build me up, not tear me down, and pay off in the short- and long-term, when it comes to just doing a decent job.

Heck, I’m not even sure I want to get promoted, anyway, considering the kinds of people who are climbing to the top, these days. It seems like a much better use of my time to focus on my mental and physical health… learning interesting things and applying them to my life… sharing what I know…. and just having the best life possible. So long as I make enough money to support myself and I have the time and opportunity to do something truly useful with my life, that’s what matters.

And that’s where my head is at today.

Ha… we’ll see how I’m feeling tomorrow… or next week… 😉