I can hear the Glenn Miller Band playing “In The Mood”

Or should it be “In A Mood”…?  I am in such a terrible mood, these days, it’s not even funny.

Fortunately, I know it, so I’ll spare you my emotional ups and downs.They’re artificial, really. Not based on anything substantive, other than that I’m extremely tired and over-taxed, and there is a lot of change going on at work.

Very little of which seems to be managed well. By others, or by me.

No, scratch that. I am handling it all pretty well — all things considered.

I’m just very, very tired and wading through unknown territory as best I can. I have to be careful that I don’t let my physical state trick my mind into believing that I’m worse off than I am. That happens to me all the time, and for years it really messed me up, because I interpreted feeling bad as being bad.  Not the same thing. Not even close.

I might as well get used to this, because the way things are going for me, it’s not going to get easier or simpler, anytime soon. The people in charge are seeing what I can do under really challenging circumstances, which will only bode well for me, job-wise. So, in that respect, things are good. At the same time, if nobody else is stepping up except for me… well, you get the picture.

Getting ahead of myself, though. Way ahead of myself.

The wild thing is, things are actually going really, really well for me. When I step back and take a look from 30,000 feet up, and I can disengage from all my internal angst — not to mention the pain and confusion and frustration I’m in — things are looking great. But my biochemistry is completely out of whack, and I’ve been running on adrenaline for a bit too long.

So, screw it. Just keep going. I’m sure everything will brighten up, on down the line. It just feels like I’m not making headway, my spouse is perpetually under the weather, I have too much on my plate, the new car is having issues, and I’m feeling pressured all over again in a multitude of ways.

Okay, I’ll stop now. That’s enough for one morning. Time to just get moving and do something about this.

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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

2 thoughts on “I can hear the Glenn Miller Band playing “In The Mood””

  1. Perhaps if you changed some of your terminology, ie: rather than say or think “I feeling ‘bad'” which you said that your subconscious interprets as you BEING ‘bad’, say instead, “I’m feeling: poorly, not how I’d like to feel, tired, sluggish …” almost anything but that word bad, or like ‘crap’ or awful, etc… Get my drift, B.B.? More questions, but will wait.

    By the way, rather too than ‘DOWN the road’, I see you performing whatever work that you choose as becoming significantly more improved ALONG the road that you walk. Please keep in mind as well, we really only have TODAY. Don’t know how you ended up with a TBI, but I’m guessing that it was unexpected and you awoke at one point to find out about the injury. Just as in that instance is how life continues. For example, despite the weather forecast the night prior, we can wake up in the morning to a day with totally a opposite report before us: no storms, a brilliant blue sky without cirrus clouds, sunshine bright yet not hideously hot, etc…

    Rather than planning far ahead for our lives, live in the moment that is yours right now, and KNOW that it’s good, ie: YOU’RE good, doing the best that you are able in this moment and darn it .. that’s not only good enough but pretty darn awesome!

    Do let me know B.B. is my sharings on your post[s] are too chatty.

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